March 4, 2014

What Comes Naturally

What comes naturally is a funny thing.  Normally I think going outside one’s comfort zone is a good idea.  However, sometimes it is better to forget the comfort zone and just do things your way.  My recent bedroom makeover project has reminded me of what comes naturally and what is tedious for me.   I was talking to my Mom about my project and told her decorating is not my thing…and it likely never will be.  She said, “It is not where your passion lies.”  Bingo!  I like the final product yet the process is like trudging through quicksand. My Mom has pointed out that I never get past the paint and she is right.  I have been known to start projects like this and let them fall by the wayside.  I have never felt I have a strong eye for coordination and combinations of fabric, furniture, color, accessories.  I have a really hard time visualizing what furniture looks like in my space based on a picture in a catalog or online.  I never seem to find exactly what I want.  A lack of confidence in my ability to decorate and design, amps up my “it has to be perfect or I cannot move forward with it” mode.  My eye is better suited for spying the best pastry or figuring out the best recipe for chocolate chip cookies. Shopping for furniture and paint colors makes me wish one of those TV home shows would show up on my doorstep and get to work.

I realized a few years ago more success comes from focusing on what comes naturally.  Doing anything that highlights a weakness can prove to be frustrating and discouraging. It reminds me of high school sports – there is always one kid who joins the team because his/her parents forced the issue.  In reality that kid really would rather be studying chemistry or dancing or playing video games.  I think most people know the feeling of having to do something that is of little interest while feeling some obligation to keep plugging along.  When I work on something that falls outside of my strengths, I have a sense of discomfort and stress that drives me to overcompensate by trying to perfect every element.  I find my perfectionism paralyzes me in my effort to make progress because everything has to be, well, perfect!

A few years ago, I was laboring over a spreadsheet for a contract negotiation with a client.  I was trying to understand every last rounding scenario to calculate things down the decimal place.  One of my colleagues was waiting for me to deliver the spreadsheet and stopped by my cubicle.  He said, “You are STILL working on that thing?  Your perfectionism is driving me crazy!”   I sat back and looked at what I was doing and understood his point.  I was belaboring minute details that were really of little importance and realized it was pointless to try be so meticulous and perfect in the exercise.  I decided I am better off accepting negligible rounding differences and keeping things simple.  It turned out to make my life easier!

I had the same epiphany with my bedroom project.  I had to stop trying to find the perfect everything to get my project rolling.  To make progress, I had no choice but to just make decisions even if I was not 100% certain about my selections.  I picked a paint color after a year of talking about it, yes a year. I forced myself to sit at the paint store till I found options I liked – I think I spent 2 hours looking at paint chips. I never previously considered that I can pick a color and paint over it if necessary (newsflash, paint is not permanent). I was also over-thinking night stands.  My old nightstands were in great need of replacement yet I could not visualize what new ones would look like in my room. To that end, I was unable to find the PERFECT nightstands.  I decided to simplify and bought interim night stands to help me better visualize.  I had to break my own patterns to keep my project moving forward.  Visualizing the final “style” of my bedroom has been too difficult for me so I opted to work on it piece by piece.  I have been asking for help and advice when I needed it. I focus on one thing per week.  I did wall art last week, this week I have been shopping for bedding.  I am not sure what I will focus on next week but piecemeal has helped formulate my vision. I am doing it my way because any other way just gives me angst and self induced pressure to do things perfectly.

In my round about long winded way, what I have been learning is, we all have to find our way of doing things.  Rather than getting caught up in the way something “should” be done, it is likely more beneficial to figure out an approach that comes naturally and with ease.  Why force a square peg into a round hole? Why follow someone else’s rules and why obligate yourself to anything?  Work within your means, ask for help when in need of assistance or advice, and use a process that gets you to your desired result.  

Thank you for reading this blog!

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February 18, 2014

Never Saw That Coming

With change comes new beginnings.  This is hardly a newsflash to the average person, it just happens to be what has been on my mind. I spent most of January thinking about change and February made me think of new beginnings.  Change always makes me feel weird and I have been that way for as long as I can remember.  A friend recently compared me to a tree.  Trees are stable, strong and grow where they have roots.  Transplant a tree and it may fail to flourish.  I guess I have always felt change was a source of uneasiness and instability which certainly highlights my discomfort with the unknown.  When I think of major changes in my life and it took time to adapt to any particular event. I never used to view changes in my life as new beginnings, instead would dwell on what I was leaving behind and the what ifs and the unknowns.  I never liked the feeling of doing something before I was ready; though sometimes it is probably better to be pushed into the proverbial ocean even if you are unsure what you are swimming towards.

My family moved when I was 10 years old and I felt uprooted (anyone moving to New Jersey for the first time may agree!).  I knew nothing about my new school and knew no one in my class.  It was a sea of the unknown for me.  I had a difficult time adjusting and spent my 5th grade year as the awkward, taller than everyone, new girl with braces.  Thank goodness I did not get glasses till 5 years later!  It never crossed my mind that I had a new beginning in front of me as I just really wanted to return to my old school and all the friends I left there.  I wonder what it would have been like if  I had felt a new school and a new town were an opportunity instead of something foreign, uncomfortable, and awkward?  It was hard to see change as a positive thing at a young age while I was walking around with a neon sign over my head that said “NEW KID. POKE FUN HERE.”  Going all psychotherapy on myself, that experience could be one of the reasons I am very introverted in new situations.  I used to think people just didn’t like me when they met me and eventually learned that was not really the case. As an adult, I went into sales to force myself to be an extrovert in my day job which helped me learn new ways to address new situations.  When you work in sales, you have no choice but to be outgoing. It can be a struggle some days and other days I still surprise myself.  I am definitely still the socially awkward 10 year old underneath it all regardless of my age and experience.

I recently got reorg’d (questionable spelling) at work.  I was feeling weird about the change because it was unexpected and rather abrupt.  I was used to my soon-to-be old boss’ style and had adapted accordingly and now I had to start all over with a new boss.  I really felt odd for a couple days after because it was a CHANGE and there were many unknowns at play.  A new year at work always means new budget, new expectations, new business and now a new, green boss? I gave it thought and decided to take this change as a learning opportunity in spite of all the unknowns.  My new boss is in a big learning phase and I realized there are ways I can help him. I know my book of business like the back of my hand and have perspective that I can bring to the table for him.  I decided I would stop feeling weird and work to help my boss speed up his learning curve. I can be proactive and embrace the change rather than just watching it unfold.  Why not work collaboratively to make our new team look good in front of senior management?  I have no idea what any of it will mean necessarily but decided it would work better for me versus getting my nose out of joint about a curve ball.  It’s a new beginning for me, new exposure and using the change to my advantage will probably serve me well down the road.  Go with the flow and figure out it on the way and worry about the rest later.

As I think about it, to get to a new beginning, there are changes that may first require patience and trust in the unknown before an outcome or new opportunity presents itself. There are times when it is just necessary to trust in what seems unclear. Why is this happening? Why is nothing happening?  What is going to happen?  What am I missing?  The unknowns have been hard for me historically as I like to fix things and also understand everything all the time.  I used to open the Christmas gifts under my parents bed when I was a kid (use knife to slit the scotch tape, re-tape gift).  I just liked to know what was coming my way.  

I have had many experiences in my life when patience was required (unbeknownst to me until I saw an outcome good or bad) and I ended up worried, anxious, or over thinking all while trying to figure out things that probably hung in the realm of unknown for a reason.  I had to learn I cannot know everything all the time and sometimes it is better to know nothing until the right time.  I can look at situations in my life where putting my faith in an outcome would have served me better.  There are times when it is just better to observe and gather information and do nothing.  Telling myself to worry later is much more helpful than trying to find missing pieces of a puzzle.  Worry later means (to me), the answer will come at a different time so just be patient. Just the other day, while talking to a friend, I heard myself saying, “I am just going to put my faith in the fact that this will work itself out.” Did I really say that? Surprised myself. It is far easier to believe what needs to happen will happen and worry about details later. Timing is a variable, people and their life lessons are a variable, location is a variable, etc. When things change, all of the variables probably need to be aligned (whether good or bad) and sometimes it is just better to let things fall into place rather than trying to pull the curtain off the unknown before the time is right. When you bake a cake, you cannot rush the baking process.  If you turn up the heat to try to make your cake bake faster, it may burn.  Put it in the microwave and it will blow up. If you take it out of the oven before it is done, you will likely end up with a flop.  Put your cake in the oven according to baking instructions and you will end up with what you hoped for at the start.

When I begin writing, the conclusion of my post is usually an unknown  (irony).  As with 2014, I have no idea how the year will end up.  I really felt like January was a swirling vortex of change for me and though things are still changing, I have seen many new things start to rise to the surface with the onset of February.  Whatever is going to change will and it all may be outside that which I can control.  I would even say how I respond to things is an unknown because who can predict what will happen tomorrow or next week. And that works for me.  It is actually really fascinating to think about what new things may happen and what new opportunities will pop up.  It is always pretty cool to look back on something and say, “Well I never saw that coming” instead of “I was afraid that was going to happen.”

Thank you for reading this blog (apologies for any typos)!

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January 19, 2014

Clap Along

Now and then I come across a song that I have to listen to about 4,503 times  (or more) on repeat.  I have always been this way which may be why I can sing along to nearly all songs on my iPod/iPhone.  This week I discovered Happy by Pharrell Williams and have spent all weekend bopping around in my car (other drivers likely thought I was out of my mind – oh well).  What better thing to wish upon someone than happiness?  What could be better than walking in and out of each day feeling happy from head to toe?  What is negative about happiness (zilch)? If someone makes a choice in life, my thought is always, “I wish all happiness in the world for (insert name)”  or “I hope that brings much happiness to (insert name).”  Conversely, in some situations, asking, “are you happy?” can be a very revealing question.  I will throw it out in conversation when a friend, colleague or family member is conflicted or wavering about a matter, decision, person, etc.  If you are unable to say, “yes, I am happy” it may be time figure out what to change to amp up the level of happy.  What can you live with?  What can you live without?  What would make you happy?  What can you change?  Do you want to change?  Have you ever made a change thinking it would make you happy only to find you are still struggling to find what makes you happy?  Or perhaps you know what makes you happy and are avoiding it?

Here is the YouTube link to Happy by Pharrell and the 24 Hours of Happy website – you may want to dance around your house or in your cubicle or wherever you are right now.   Just a warning 🙂

Thank you for reading this blog!

 

 

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January 17, 2014

Just A Phase

I was talking to a colleague today about her hectic work schedule, her 5 kids, her lack of sleep and she said, “I just tell myself this is a phase of my life, like a season. I am going to enjoy it because the next phase will be very different.”  I told her when I need advice I will be calling her because I found her words to be very wise.  Every morning this week I have opened my eyes and the first thought has been, “Is this really my life?  Do I have to do this again today?”  Well as it happens, you find your answers in unexpected ways – in my case while talking to a colleague.  This is not my life, this is just a phase of my life albeit a consuming phase.  A time in which I am working crazy hours and feel like I am living and breathing work.  It is the phases of life that help build a fulfilling life.

I feel like in some ways I see changes in my life and in other ways I am just hovering in the same general vicinity.  I am trying to better manage my workload and my work schedule and I am finding that to be challenging.  That is kind of the same.  As I reflect on 2013 and think about the last few weeks, I am seeing more of the same at work in this new year. Hovering. We had a reorg and I have new boss.  It is really more of the same because nothing has really changed in my day to day. Change – sort of. I think I expected a reorg to bring a new and different angle but no matter how many reorgs come to my organization, we see more of the same. Ironically, I am really learning a lot through this hectic period at work.  And it is actually all okay, it just helps me understand why I wake up with the thoughts of, “This is my life?”  Other things around me are transforming, my friends for example.  Some of my friends have children and I hear from them less than in the past.  Unless they can get time free, away from family activities, time to visit can be difficult to schedule.  I am good with that because life evolves and it enjoyable to watch friends grow into motherhood.  I was talking to one of my friends today and we were discussing someone we know in common.  I said, “I just let people go at some point.  I get tired of people who take, take, take and bring emotional drama to the table and nothing else.  It is easier to just let those people go live in their drama.”  The person in question gloms on when she needs something or is having a teenage drama moment and is scarce until she needs something again. My friend agreed and said, “Wow that is a really good way to put it.”  My friendships are important to me and I am a very loyal person; however, sometimes it is just better to untie and set sail in another direction. Ironically, after that conversation, I ran into a new friend of mine in the grocery and was reminded there are always opportunities to make new friends.  Friendships change, people change, and new people come into your life to change things up.  New friends are a great change.

If life is about phases then I suppose we cannot always control when one phase ends and another begins.  If the phases help you build the life you want, there may be lessons to learn or experiences to go through before a phase can end.  You may have to wait for the right timing for the new phase to begin.  Further, if you try to force your way out of a phase, you may find yourself taking a wrong turn or you may find yourself hitting a wall.  One of my friends left my company a few years ago because he felt he could do better elsewhere.  3 years later, every time I hear from him, he wishes he had never left because leave may have been a change he should have waited to make versus jumping ship hastily.  As I think about phases, it is important to always take steps and go in new directions.  You may encounter new things instantly, you may have to demonstrate patience and hover for awhile.  I think of it like a garden and waiting for seedlings to sprout from the earth.  It never happens overnight.  It takes time and work to plant the seeds, nurture the seeds and patience to see the fruits of your labor.  I suppose it is entirely possible while hovering at a point in life, we are actually nurturing the seedlings.  It seems reasonable to expect everything will come to full bloom in the next phase.  There may also be instances when it is necessary to look back to see the meaning of each phase of your life…which reminds me of a quote (no idea who said it), “Sometimes you have to look back to see what lies ahead.”  As you live your life, there may be things that are hard to decipher or make sense of, but in time, when you look at where you are and where you have been, it all may make perfect sense, as clear as the bright blue sky.  

Thank you for reading this blog!

 

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January 8, 2014

Change Your Footwear

Change is afoot.  2014 feels like it is about change.  I am working on changing things around me that is for sure.  Simple things like finally painting my bedroom.  I have been procrastinating for 2 years and I finally picked a color and have my Dad as my co-painter to get the work done.  My Mom always says I get as far as the paint and no further.  I bought the paint and now I need to buy some furniture and other items.  If all goes well my room will have a makeover soon enough.  Things at work are changing as they always do this time of year; yet it feels different. I have an idea for a second blog that has yet to launch.  I have been displeased with the amount of effort I put into the design (with a designer) and less pleased with the overall results produced by the designer.  Lesson learned – every situation may require new perspective, different expertise.  A new designer is the avenue I am taking so have been researching other people out there.  I keep pushing myself to do things to create little changes.  Big changes are sometimes difficult to achieve in a short time.  Small changes are more readily tangible and can lead to the bigger changes.  I have been working on the way I think.  Letting go of some things, changing gears over here.  My brain is always churning and I find myself worrying for no other reason than my brain is working way overtime.  I am training my brain to do a 180. Stop, turn and go in the other direction.

After work I decided it would save time if I walked my dog in 7 degree weather in my suede booties rather than changing my shoes.  I figured I would be FINE since I was wearing Smartwool socks.  My socks may have been smart (love Smartwool) but that was the only smart thing.  I walked around the block – about 10 minutes outside – and I could feel numbness in my feet creeping up.  It started at the tip of my toes and by the time it reached the balls of my feet I dragged the dog inside and took off my boots.  I looked at my feet and my toes were freakishly white and without feeling.  I was sure my toes would fall off and I began to envision what it would be like without a big toe on my right foot.  My feet were freaky from the cold – if I were not grossed out by feet I MAY have taken a picture but I prefer feet covered up.  While half of my brain was coming up with toeless horror stories, the other half was trying to figure out how to fix my feet.  Instead of using Google, I got my hair dryer out (did you know in case of frostnip or superficial frostbite you should soak your feet in warm water? As later shared by someone who probably used Google when I shared my winter weather FAIL).  When the hair dryer failed to change the color of my toes, I just decided to put on heavy wool socks and my Uggs and hope for the best.  Meanwhile, the other half of my brain was preparing to go to the ER and figuring out if I could go to the ER without anyone in my family finding out I had tried to freeze my toes off my body.  Instead I went to my workout class, in Uggs, wool socks, sneakers in tow, and my closest thing to eskimo gear (no fur).  By then 45 minutes had passed and my toes were finally starting to look normal.  I decided perhaps horrific thoughts about my toes falling off were too extreme (pretty sure).  Though I tried to do a 180 degree change with my thoughts, though only half my brain was on board at that point. Hey change takes time!  However, the fact of the matter is, rather than going to worst case or most worrisome, it is most helpful to stop and switch directions and reign it all in.  Also when it is 7 degrees outside, it is far better to change one’s shoes.  I may be the only person who needed to learn that lesson today.  

Thank you for reading this blog!

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January 6, 2014

Wake Up And Change

Back to reality.  Ok well maybe not reality, maybe just a full 5 day work week.  I am trying to prevent my brain from remembering the regular chaos of my usual work day and instead focus on how nice the last few weeks have been.  My schedule has been so flexible and I have gotten so much done with all of my free time. Vacation and sleep are awesome.  I woke up every day with that thought – sleep is awesome. On a non-vacation day, I find myself moving at a zillion miles an hour while cramming more into my awake hours than I should while sacrificing sleep hours.  Between work and taking care of things non-work related in my life, if I slow down, I tend to THINK I am being lazy and/or unproductive.  When in reality, I usually need more rest than I allow myself – how silly is that?  My norm of 6-hours of sleep is really sub par.

As I sit here still in a mode of relaxation after two stress free weeks, I can see the forest from the trees.  I am hardly a lazy person yet I will push myself out of bed every day because I “have to get moving!” I have tried to get away from that for the last few weeks by staying in bed till 9:30am or 10:00am – something I have not done regularly since college. Usually I feel like I am going to miss out on the day or will never accomplish what I feel I need to do in the time I have.  However, today, I got out of bed at 9:30am and did everything I had planned to do and have plenty of free time tonight.  I follow @sandikrakowski on Twitter and Instagram and something she posted today (slightly edited by me) resonated with me:

“REST- it’s a spiritual principle that so many people forget or misunderstand…Rest is emotional, physical and spiritual. It’s when we purposefully lay aside things so we can be renewed, elevated and given strength…It is not on laziness. To push ourselves and feel false guilt when we should rest is an evil spirit…Rest will set you apart. It dissolves anxiety and all negativity trying to infect your life…Rest then solidifies the growth…take time to just BE.” Sandi Krakowski

I am very guilty of hardly spending time to just BE – partially because my brain never rests, partially because I put guilt on myself, partially due to the corporate culture I work in.  I definitely allow my frenetic work environment spill over into my free time and that is less than ideal for many reasons.  I know I am not a lazy person and yet I often resist the opportunity to rest, unless I am forced by illness or exhaustion.  There is always something that needs to be done.  Must plow through.  Must do as much as possible.  My work schedule is so rigid, people in my company are constantly working all hours of the night, and I definitely get caught up in a mentality that hardly promotes rest. I am sure many people are this way.  Many people get wound up in the rat race and get swept away by the lunacy that can be a corporate environment. That said, I do what I have to do because I love my paycheck.  Stress, exhaustion, pressure to an extreme hardly benefit the emotional, physical and spiritual self.  I do feel a moderate amount of stress and pressure drive the motivation for success; however, when you feel like a doormat at the end of every week, it is too much and something needs to change.  I think the biggest issue I have is setting boundaries.  My parents and my friends have been telling me for years I work too much and need to set boundaries with my job.  I finally agree.  I tend to think corporate culture today wrings the life out of its people for margins and investors. There are no boundaries – I have had conference calls as late as 11:30pm for the almighty dollar…which might make sense if I were earning millions of dollars…but nah.  Welcome to Capitalism?  Or is the corporate culture just outdated and very disjointed?

What to do with this?  Well I guess I will look at the year ahead and work to keep myself in check.  Know when to lose my Blackberry.  Know when to take a day off and learn to better prioritize my free time…or something.  I have to keep these thoughts top of mind as this needs to become part of my daily practice.  Some may say this is New Year’s resolution.  For me this is an unplanned realization as a result of stepping away from the day to day.  It is time to change things up, set boundaries and change my thought processes about the obligations I place upon myself.

Thank you for reading this blog!

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December 4, 2013

Ray of Happiness

“It is not happy people who are thankful, it is thankful people who are happy.”  I read this on Paul Coelho’s twitter feed on Thanksgiving Day.  It just resonated with me and stuck with me for a few days as it gave me food for thought.  How can anyone be happy without feeling thankful, without expression of gratitude?  I  had never really thought about it before and it is tough to be happy without being thankful. To be truly happy, one has to be able to appreciate what they have, big or small.  On any day of the week, even any hour of the day, we can all find something to be thankful for and in turn, anyone would be feel happy when saying, “I am thankful for (fill in the blank).”

I can understand there may be times when it is difficult to be thankful – especially when circumstance leaves us asking questions and wondering why.  Even in that type of situation, if it means grasping for the little things and straws, it might be possible to find things to drum up gratitude and subsequently a ray of happiness.  I give a pass to people in catastrophic situations because sometimes one needs to just be something other than thankful and happy to deal with matters at hand.  For the rest of us in uncomfortable situations, I rationalize it like this: even though this or that happened, I am really thankful for this thing and for that I am happy.  I have this habit of trying to find the positive in any situation – sometimes it is easy, sometimes it takes a little thought.  However, thinking about the positive AND what to be thankful for is a new and interesting way of looking at things.

This is kind of simple and cliche but I am going with it.  I am not a fan of turkey or Thanksgiving foods in general – scandalous, I know.  I never look forward to the actual meal (I do appreciate the appetizers, however).  I think most people anticipate Thanksgiving dinner with enthusiasm.  I can take it or leave it for various reasons.  That said, the meal itself is unimportant.  I am very fortunate to have a family that gets together and dines together and for little nephews to liven everything up. How can anyone not be thankful for family and 1 year old boys tearing up a party? I am thankful that my brother and sister in law host so I never have to roast a turkey or have 6-months worth of leftovers in my house (6-months may be an exaggeration but I swear a turkey can last till summer).  It makes me so happy to go home on Thanksgiving and to know the next time I see turkey it will be next Thanksgiving.  I am the baker for Thanksgiving so for that I am thankful as I enjoy baking and can spend days baking and never get bored..as I did for Thanksgiving this year. If someone else did the baking, Thanksgiving prep would not be the same for me.

If you go through the list of things for which you are thankful, you will find many sources of happiness. You may find yourself paying more attention to big things, small things, people, places, pets, opportunities when you really dig into it.  Gratitude and what makes people happy have been on my mind a lot lately for no specific reason I can pin point.  I just know it is important to be thankful, to feel gratitude and to be happy.  The Paul Coelho quote was one of those serendipitous things – I found exactly what I was looking for – a short and sweet explanation of the cause and effect of thankful and happy.

Thank you for reading this blog!

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November 28, 2013

Gratitude Is The Best

Gratitude is the best. I have been thinking about what it is to be grateful and how it feels to be grateful and what it feels like to receive gratitude. “Gratitude is the best” is the phrase that keep popping into my head. Now Thanksgiving is tomorrow so it would seem logical that my thoughts about gratitude coincide with Turkey Day; however, timing is coincidence.  I was actually thinking about what intangible things make people happy and gratitude kept coming to mind.  Is it possible to feel anything but warm and fuzzy after saying thank you as a result a kind, polite, selfless or generous gesture? You are reminded of a kind gesture when you give thanks and the other person’s kindness is acknowledged. I have been unable to think of a situation when an expression of gratitude results is something other than a positive outcome or feeling.  Saying thank you is effortless and it shows appreciation and is easy to do.  It is rewarding, courteous, thoughtful, appreciated, welcomed, valuable and positive.  I think gratitude can be a win win for all parties involved.

When I was in my first month of college as a freshman, I received a package from my friend Darah. It was a big tin of homemade chocolate chip cookies with a colorful handwritten sign of encouragement.  Kind of like those that we used to create for each other to decorate lockers before tennis matches, basketball games and lacrosse games. I thought it odd that she forgot to sign her name and there was no return address on the package but recognized the handwriting as Darah’s, or so I thought (I did send a thank you note, since I am writing about gratitude).  Fast forward to Christmas break when I  saw my friend Jen.  I told her about the special delivery of cookies I had received from Darah a couple months back.  Jen look at me with disappointment and surprise.  She said, “Those cookies were from me!!  I thought you never received them because you never mentioned them!” Oh awkward!  I sort felt like a dolt and I am sure Darah found my thank you note perplexing since she knew nothing of cookies! My gratitude had good intention behind it but had been misplaced! Jen has likely forgotten the cookie scandal after all these years but I have to stored in my brain as it was a lesson for me.  Of the many things in life to get right, knowing where and when to show gratitude is very high on the list!  Thank you can be very meaningful to the giver or doer as these two words tend to produce positive results.   It is one of the easiest ways to put a smile on someone’s face, in my opinion.  Who does not smile when they say ‘you’re welcome’ or ‘it was my pleasure’?

My mother taught my brothers and I from a young age to write thank you notes so it is just something we all do.  It is always funny (not funny ha ha) when someone says, ‘Thank you for your note, it is so nice to receive a handwritten letter.’ In this day in age, we do some many things with technology that an email or a text message may lack the same meaning as something handwritten.  There is much to be said for taking the time to sit down with pen and paper write your thanks after someone has taken the time to do something kind, polite, selfless or generous.  On the flip side, there will be things for which we never receive thanks because they are done with good intention and the anticipation of gratitude.  I was in the mall recently and walked by the children’s wish tree.  I thoroughly enjoy helping a child see their Christmas wish come true so I selected the tag for a girl who was hoping for an Easy Bake Oven.  I always wanted one (who didn’t) and know how exciting it is to open the thing you want most on Christmas Day (excluding any live animals like puppies or ponies – not good gifts).  I will never meet this young girl and she will never know who secured that pink and purple Easy Bake Oven but it is enough for me to know it will make someone happy.  Indirect or anticipated gratitude is good enough for me.

Consider those things for which you are thankful as often as you can, not just with turkey and mashed potatoes.  Go out of your way to thank someone when thanks are appropriate – it goes a long way. Be thankful for the intangible and the tangible things, the people in your life, opportunities, your latte.  If you send someone a message right now and say, “Thank you for being my friend” – you might just make someone’s day.

Thank you for reading this blog!

Filed Under: gratitude, Life Lessons, thepageofaquarius Tagged With: , , , , , , Leave a Comment
November 15, 2013

The Skeletons Can Be Helpful

Have faith in what will happen. It just popped into my head  and I started thinking about various events in my life.  When I reflect back on where I have been and where I am now, there are so many things I never expected or never anticipated. Writing that sounds ridiculous to me on some level. There are so many unexpected things that happen in life.  It is necessary trust in the idea that there is a reason behind everything that happens and the timing of things will be what it needs to be. Maybe some people ponder this often but I tend to reflect when something reminds me to do so.  How did you get here?  What decisions did I make or did I not make?  How have I changed? What has changed me or what has been the impetus to change? Here is what was happening 1 year ago, 5 years ago, 10 years ago.  The things in the present that were never on my radar in prior years are most interesting to me. 10 years ago I never would have imagined I would be working where I am today.5 years ago I would not have believed I would still be working where I am. It is interesting to reflect on the people who were in my life and those who have drifted in a different direction and the new people I have met along the way.

There is a saying I have read that I will misquote and it goes something like,  “Do not think about the past because you do not live there.”  I tend to look at the past as the way to learn how to avoid repeating those things you prefer to never again repeat.  You can say you will never do something again but I believe until you determine why you did something or examine what was happening in your life at a specific time, you may repeat things.  You have to look at the matter, understand why it happened, what role you played and what you can do differently next time.  I have a friend who says he nevers likes to think about the past.  He does not like to think about mistakes he has made or “stupid” things he has done.  Avoidance only leads to more of the same.   Facing yourself and taking accountability for things that have happened can be difficult and uncomfortable.  I tend to think once you take a hard look at something and you learn something valuable.   I think avoiding the past is like being chased. I think of a cartoon character running with zombie skeletons in fast pursuit.  Once you stop and turn around and address each skeleton by name and find out why you are being chased, the skeletons vanish.  We learn lessons from past actions by virtue of  facing things and setting them free.  If we choose to face a lesson or take a lesson to heart, it can only be a helpful lead-in to change. The past does not define us.  It can help us figure out who we want to be moving forward. We make mistakes, we make less than ideal decisions, we do weird things, hang out with various people and it all happens for a reason. I guess sometimes you have to visit the past and then move on versus living in the past and dwelling or letting the past continuously tap you on the shoulder.  It is like going on a weekend trip.  You visit, you look around, you experience things and then you go back to your reality.

Learning is an ongoing experience, we never stop learning whether we like or not regardless of age.  Well, perhaps on some level learning is choice or admitting there is something to learn is a process.  I was talking to a friend recently about a specific situation and I said I had nothing to learn from it.  The next day I was driving to work and realized there was something big I had been ignoring – kind of like an elephant in the room.  When you least expect it things can reveal themselves and teach you something new.  I would guess in a year or 5 years I will look back again and be amazed about what has changed in my life.  I tend to think things change in our life if we pay attention to signs and messages that lead to the lessons.  Some lessons are harder than others and some result in really positive things.

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog.

Filed Under: experience, healing, Life Lessons, Listening, motivation, thepageofaquarius, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , 1 Comment
November 13, 2013

Just Wait

Like it or not, things happen for a reason.  When you think you have all the answers, things can just turn around and surprise you.  I do have a habit of  jumping to my own conclusions here and there.  I can say I have been guilty of making assumptions to try to figure something out and drawing conclusions based on observation or partial information.

I like to have the answers to things even when I may be lacking detail or information.  It is far too easy to add my own pieces to a puzzle to create a full picture.  This ‘technique’ only leads to a puzzle full of odd holes and spaces and wrong assumptions.  It is sort of like drawing a map and then being blind folded half way through. The user of the map will likely end up lost since the path will only partially serve its purpose. There are times when my intuition helps me and instances when I ignore my intuition and results are usually varied.  It would behoove me to listen to my intuition as often as possible as it is a good internal map whatever the path I take in life.  I had two instances this week when I decided to listen to my intuition and the outcome was to my advantage.  I have two instances a few weeks back when I said, ‘this is my desired outcome’ and oddly, the outcome just recently played out just as I had hoped. I have one instance in which I ignored my intuition and about 6 hours later thought to myself, “I should have listened…”  I definitely had an AH HA moment.

My lessons are repeating themselves or maybe evolving.  Okay, repeating.  It is necessary to be patient even when it feels impossible to exercise patience.  Answers will come forward.  Information will surface.  Clarity will present itself.  The timeline may be short or long and it is likely outside reasonable control.  Sometimes it is better to sit back and observe instead of drawing conclusions.  Sometimes it is better to wait something out when waiting feels like the right thing to do, even if waiting is really tough to do.  Sometimes trying to figure out everything on your own is the wrong way and letting things come to fruition is the better way. Sometimes trusting your instincts is the only clear path to figuring out the answers you seek.

 

 

Filed Under: experience, intuition, Life Lessons, Listening, perspective, thepageofaquarius Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , Leave a Comment
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