July 13, 2014

Making Changes – Part 2

My other most recent change is adopting the practice of yoga.  For years I have been saying I will take it up.  I have been told countless times it would be a good addition to my workout routine.   I have more or less put yoga on the bottom of the pile for many reasons.  As it happens, persistent back pain, my preference for high intensity workouts, and repeat visits to my orthopedist resulted in a prescription for physical therapy short-term and yoga long-term.  I dragged my feet starting up yoga because I seem to injure myself in every new athletic activity.  Plus, I found it hard to believe anyone can walk into a yoga class and know what they are doing.  Though I resisted getting onto a yoga mat, reminders kept popping up.  Friends would ask if I had tried yoga yet.  Articles would appear in my inbox about the benefits of yoga. My Mom and a few friends started telling me how great yoga is for back problems. One friend sent me examples of poses from a yoga book her Mom recommends for back issues.  It was sort of like yoga was all over the place.  I was avoiding yoga and yoga was not avoiding me.

Yoga is not for the faint of heart.  If you are doing it right, it can be quite challenging.  I mean the fundamentals can be challenging – I am not doing anything crazy like balancing on my pinkies.  I have had moments when I have wondered if I would collapse onto the mat.  The good news is I love a challenge and I love the process of learning.  I overcame my initial injury concerns by taking one on one classes with an instructor to learn the right way versus diving in without any experience.  I am so glad took this approach because it immediately revealed how disconnected my mind and body are when I exercise.  I discovered I have been using my back muscles groups improperly (oh yes, that happens).  I became aware of sore muscles that were probably last used when I was a baby learning to roll over.  I am pretty sure my body is always running after my head.  Yoga is teaching me how to reattach my head to my body (now there is a visual) and to develop awareness of muscles, joints, limbs and use of breath.

A few yoga classes have taught me I have needed to change the way I exercise for quite some time.  Yoga  is a good balance to weights and cardio in the gym.  It is sort of a commitment to myself to strengthen what has been neglected and to gain different perspective on health and well being.  I read an article and I cannot recall when or who wrote it but this stood out to me: Lifting weights builds muscle, yoga builds strength. Strength is a loaded word really.  Yoga involves physical, mental and spiritual strength. All of those things are valuable throughout life and I am amazed how many AH HA moments I have in yoga sessions.  I have dropped down to practice downward dog during conference calls because why not? You can take yoga with you anywhere you go.

My long term goal is to keep up with the practice to ensure I am active and mobile when I am an old lady.  The thought of trying to change my ways when I have hit the years of stiff joints and decreased mobility is really unappealing.  With any luck, in the near term, back issues will be a memory.  That said, I had to step out of my comfort zone to step into a yoga studio, that is for sure.  I still feel really silly when I start a yoga session and then get over it as I progress.  I have yet to put my finger on why I feel so weird about it, however, that will come to me in time.  My awkwardness on a yoga mat is far better than the pain and discomfort I have experienced with my back over the last 20 years.   I show myself time and time again, once I make the changes I need to make, the long term benefits are always really uplifting….even if I have to be smacked in the head (or back) a few times.

Thank you for reading this blog!

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April 3, 2014

Keep Reading

Are you reading this blog http://meganmcgrane.com/ ?  Megan has a great post this week and it inspired me to write today. If you choose to subscribe to Megan’s blog, her posts will be delivered to your inbox.  I enjoy Megan’s posts and follow her because she is building a career and will have more and more to share as her experiences expand and evolve.

Megan’s recent post is about moderation  – as in “I do this or that in moderation” or “Everything in moderation!”.  I found it to be really entertaining  (in my own way) and decided “in moderation” is pretty lame as an approach to many things (I tend to say what I think and do apologize for sounding judgmental)!   Megan was more eloquent about the topic. Why do things in moderation?  As I thought about it, I failed to come up with a good reason to do things in moderation.  It just feels like a way to sit on the fence or  avoid taking a plunge.  For example, I am an unbeliever (is that a word) in moderation as a way of eating.  If I eat cookies in moderation, it is likely a minimum of 6 per day; thus I never say I eat cookies in moderation.  I am more likely to admit cookies are part of every meal of the day, breakfast included, when I have them in the house.  If you tell me I can eat 1 cookie, I guarantee I will eat 6 because is anyone really satisfied with 1 cookie? I have no idea how to eat cookies in moderation so my house has been void of my favorite food for a couple months!

About 1o years ago, my doctor and physical therapist told me I had to stop running due to back pain/issues.  My doctor told me my back issues were unusual for my age and would only advise me to stop running and whatever I did was my decision.  I figured I could run…in moderation.  I was unable to wrap my head around a workout if I was unable run outside for 2 hours. Elliptical machines were barely a workout in my mind!  I tried to run several days a week for 1 hour instead of 2.  Then I tried to decrease the time to 30 minutes – yet I was still in pain and the pain repeatedly disrupted my sleep. I am not a quitter but moderation was not cutting it.  My choices were:  live with pain and possibly bigger issues or change my workout completely.  Begrudgingly, I hung up my running shoes and learned to appreciate low impact cardio options like the elliptical machine and walking outside with my dog and picked up weights and high intensity workouts.  Another bonus (though I have previously written I am largely anti-social at the gym), I have made several new friends by way of changing my workout.

Very recently I was again guilty of trying to workout in moderation. New back problems popped up and I kept working out in spite of discomfort – when will I ever learn?  I then decided I could just workout less (in moderation!) and I would feel better.  I cut back to 2 days a week and spent 5 days recovering with ice and Aleve.  I woke up one morning in such pain that I had to lie on the floor because I felt like I was going to get sick.  I went to see my orthopedist and he prescribed physical therapy and also had the nerve to suggest I add pilates or yoga to my workout routine.  Thereafter, though I do believe in the benefits of those forms of exercise, I actually had the nerve to drive home thinking my life is officially over.  Am I so decrepit that I will eventually only be able to workout on a mat??  My brother took my feedback and threw this at me, “It’s not like your doctor said you need your foot amputated.”   Oh yeah..perspective….there are people I know with horrible medical conditions and I am whining about having to do some sort of core focused workout?  My physical therapist told me to go back to the gym and also suggested pilates.  She even recanted and said I can learn the right exercises without having to take a pilates class since I like going to the gym and am active.  Pilates is derived from methods used by physical therapists.  Moderation = fail.  Take the bull by the horns = success.

Moderation is a comfort zone and a way of avoiding change and reality.   Moderation is easier than transformation and taking the bull by the horns.  I believe humans struggle to change for a variety of reasons.  Change can cause discomfort and moderation lets you dabble and never actually commit yourself to anything.  Sometimes it is really hard to look at yourself in the mirror.  We do things in moderation because we are afraid to fail.     Change can be scary and resistance is easy (I was actually going to describe resistance with the word comfortable, however, I find resistance is usually really uncomfortable).  Sometimes we are unsure how to change so do things in moderation till we can find a way or till we can find someone who knows the way.  What are you doing in moderation today because change would be uncomfortable and take effort?  We all have to discover change on our own whether through experience, self awareness or the lessons life bestows upon us…and then we have to  actually leave the comfort zone and plunge into new things.

Thank you for reading this blog and thank you Megan for all the food for thought (no pun intended)!

 

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February 18, 2014

Never Saw That Coming

With change comes new beginnings.  This is hardly a newsflash to the average person, it just happens to be what has been on my mind. I spent most of January thinking about change and February made me think of new beginnings.  Change always makes me feel weird and I have been that way for as long as I can remember.  A friend recently compared me to a tree.  Trees are stable, strong and grow where they have roots.  Transplant a tree and it may fail to flourish.  I guess I have always felt change was a source of uneasiness and instability which certainly highlights my discomfort with the unknown.  When I think of major changes in my life and it took time to adapt to any particular event. I never used to view changes in my life as new beginnings, instead would dwell on what I was leaving behind and the what ifs and the unknowns.  I never liked the feeling of doing something before I was ready; though sometimes it is probably better to be pushed into the proverbial ocean even if you are unsure what you are swimming towards.

My family moved when I was 10 years old and I felt uprooted (anyone moving to New Jersey for the first time may agree!).  I knew nothing about my new school and knew no one in my class.  It was a sea of the unknown for me.  I had a difficult time adjusting and spent my 5th grade year as the awkward, taller than everyone, new girl with braces.  Thank goodness I did not get glasses till 5 years later!  It never crossed my mind that I had a new beginning in front of me as I just really wanted to return to my old school and all the friends I left there.  I wonder what it would have been like if  I had felt a new school and a new town were an opportunity instead of something foreign, uncomfortable, and awkward?  It was hard to see change as a positive thing at a young age while I was walking around with a neon sign over my head that said “NEW KID. POKE FUN HERE.”  Going all psychotherapy on myself, that experience could be one of the reasons I am very introverted in new situations.  I used to think people just didn’t like me when they met me and eventually learned that was not really the case. As an adult, I went into sales to force myself to be an extrovert in my day job which helped me learn new ways to address new situations.  When you work in sales, you have no choice but to be outgoing. It can be a struggle some days and other days I still surprise myself.  I am definitely still the socially awkward 10 year old underneath it all regardless of my age and experience.

I recently got reorg’d (questionable spelling) at work.  I was feeling weird about the change because it was unexpected and rather abrupt.  I was used to my soon-to-be old boss’ style and had adapted accordingly and now I had to start all over with a new boss.  I really felt odd for a couple days after because it was a CHANGE and there were many unknowns at play.  A new year at work always means new budget, new expectations, new business and now a new, green boss? I gave it thought and decided to take this change as a learning opportunity in spite of all the unknowns.  My new boss is in a big learning phase and I realized there are ways I can help him. I know my book of business like the back of my hand and have perspective that I can bring to the table for him.  I decided I would stop feeling weird and work to help my boss speed up his learning curve. I can be proactive and embrace the change rather than just watching it unfold.  Why not work collaboratively to make our new team look good in front of senior management?  I have no idea what any of it will mean necessarily but decided it would work better for me versus getting my nose out of joint about a curve ball.  It’s a new beginning for me, new exposure and using the change to my advantage will probably serve me well down the road.  Go with the flow and figure out it on the way and worry about the rest later.

As I think about it, to get to a new beginning, there are changes that may first require patience and trust in the unknown before an outcome or new opportunity presents itself. There are times when it is just necessary to trust in what seems unclear. Why is this happening? Why is nothing happening?  What is going to happen?  What am I missing?  The unknowns have been hard for me historically as I like to fix things and also understand everything all the time.  I used to open the Christmas gifts under my parents bed when I was a kid (use knife to slit the scotch tape, re-tape gift).  I just liked to know what was coming my way.  

I have had many experiences in my life when patience was required (unbeknownst to me until I saw an outcome good or bad) and I ended up worried, anxious, or over thinking all while trying to figure out things that probably hung in the realm of unknown for a reason.  I had to learn I cannot know everything all the time and sometimes it is better to know nothing until the right time.  I can look at situations in my life where putting my faith in an outcome would have served me better.  There are times when it is just better to observe and gather information and do nothing.  Telling myself to worry later is much more helpful than trying to find missing pieces of a puzzle.  Worry later means (to me), the answer will come at a different time so just be patient. Just the other day, while talking to a friend, I heard myself saying, “I am just going to put my faith in the fact that this will work itself out.” Did I really say that? Surprised myself. It is far easier to believe what needs to happen will happen and worry about details later. Timing is a variable, people and their life lessons are a variable, location is a variable, etc. When things change, all of the variables probably need to be aligned (whether good or bad) and sometimes it is just better to let things fall into place rather than trying to pull the curtain off the unknown before the time is right. When you bake a cake, you cannot rush the baking process.  If you turn up the heat to try to make your cake bake faster, it may burn.  Put it in the microwave and it will blow up. If you take it out of the oven before it is done, you will likely end up with a flop.  Put your cake in the oven according to baking instructions and you will end up with what you hoped for at the start.

When I begin writing, the conclusion of my post is usually an unknown  (irony).  As with 2014, I have no idea how the year will end up.  I really felt like January was a swirling vortex of change for me and though things are still changing, I have seen many new things start to rise to the surface with the onset of February.  Whatever is going to change will and it all may be outside that which I can control.  I would even say how I respond to things is an unknown because who can predict what will happen tomorrow or next week. And that works for me.  It is actually really fascinating to think about what new things may happen and what new opportunities will pop up.  It is always pretty cool to look back on something and say, “Well I never saw that coming” instead of “I was afraid that was going to happen.”

Thank you for reading this blog (apologies for any typos)!

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January 19, 2014

Clap Along

Now and then I come across a song that I have to listen to about 4,503 times  (or more) on repeat.  I have always been this way which may be why I can sing along to nearly all songs on my iPod/iPhone.  This week I discovered Happy by Pharrell Williams and have spent all weekend bopping around in my car (other drivers likely thought I was out of my mind – oh well).  What better thing to wish upon someone than happiness?  What could be better than walking in and out of each day feeling happy from head to toe?  What is negative about happiness (zilch)? If someone makes a choice in life, my thought is always, “I wish all happiness in the world for (insert name)”  or “I hope that brings much happiness to (insert name).”  Conversely, in some situations, asking, “are you happy?” can be a very revealing question.  I will throw it out in conversation when a friend, colleague or family member is conflicted or wavering about a matter, decision, person, etc.  If you are unable to say, “yes, I am happy” it may be time figure out what to change to amp up the level of happy.  What can you live with?  What can you live without?  What would make you happy?  What can you change?  Do you want to change?  Have you ever made a change thinking it would make you happy only to find you are still struggling to find what makes you happy?  Or perhaps you know what makes you happy and are avoiding it?

Here is the YouTube link to Happy by Pharrell and the 24 Hours of Happy website – you may want to dance around your house or in your cubicle or wherever you are right now.   Just a warning 🙂

Thank you for reading this blog!

 

 

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January 8, 2014

Change Your Footwear

Change is afoot.  2014 feels like it is about change.  I am working on changing things around me that is for sure.  Simple things like finally painting my bedroom.  I have been procrastinating for 2 years and I finally picked a color and have my Dad as my co-painter to get the work done.  My Mom always says I get as far as the paint and no further.  I bought the paint and now I need to buy some furniture and other items.  If all goes well my room will have a makeover soon enough.  Things at work are changing as they always do this time of year; yet it feels different. I have an idea for a second blog that has yet to launch.  I have been displeased with the amount of effort I put into the design (with a designer) and less pleased with the overall results produced by the designer.  Lesson learned – every situation may require new perspective, different expertise.  A new designer is the avenue I am taking so have been researching other people out there.  I keep pushing myself to do things to create little changes.  Big changes are sometimes difficult to achieve in a short time.  Small changes are more readily tangible and can lead to the bigger changes.  I have been working on the way I think.  Letting go of some things, changing gears over here.  My brain is always churning and I find myself worrying for no other reason than my brain is working way overtime.  I am training my brain to do a 180. Stop, turn and go in the other direction.

After work I decided it would save time if I walked my dog in 7 degree weather in my suede booties rather than changing my shoes.  I figured I would be FINE since I was wearing Smartwool socks.  My socks may have been smart (love Smartwool) but that was the only smart thing.  I walked around the block – about 10 minutes outside – and I could feel numbness in my feet creeping up.  It started at the tip of my toes and by the time it reached the balls of my feet I dragged the dog inside and took off my boots.  I looked at my feet and my toes were freakishly white and without feeling.  I was sure my toes would fall off and I began to envision what it would be like without a big toe on my right foot.  My feet were freaky from the cold – if I were not grossed out by feet I MAY have taken a picture but I prefer feet covered up.  While half of my brain was coming up with toeless horror stories, the other half was trying to figure out how to fix my feet.  Instead of using Google, I got my hair dryer out (did you know in case of frostnip or superficial frostbite you should soak your feet in warm water? As later shared by someone who probably used Google when I shared my winter weather FAIL).  When the hair dryer failed to change the color of my toes, I just decided to put on heavy wool socks and my Uggs and hope for the best.  Meanwhile, the other half of my brain was preparing to go to the ER and figuring out if I could go to the ER without anyone in my family finding out I had tried to freeze my toes off my body.  Instead I went to my workout class, in Uggs, wool socks, sneakers in tow, and my closest thing to eskimo gear (no fur).  By then 45 minutes had passed and my toes were finally starting to look normal.  I decided perhaps horrific thoughts about my toes falling off were too extreme (pretty sure).  Though I tried to do a 180 degree change with my thoughts, though only half my brain was on board at that point. Hey change takes time!  However, the fact of the matter is, rather than going to worst case or most worrisome, it is most helpful to stop and switch directions and reign it all in.  Also when it is 7 degrees outside, it is far better to change one’s shoes.  I may be the only person who needed to learn that lesson today.  

Thank you for reading this blog!

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July 1, 2013

Time and Time Again

cTime goes by and things may stay the same or things may change.  Time does many things whether we are consciously aware of it or not.  I started to think about this after a short visit by friends whom I have not seen in about 5 years. They live out of state and decided to pop in on me this morning and though brief it was so nice to see them again.  Time goes by yet preserves the bonds and connections we create with people we meet. I say this as I feel it is a common human experience to reconnect with someone and think or say, “Though so much time has passed, it feels like I saw you yesterday!”  Time puts human connection on hold and lets us pick up where we left off, if we so choose.

Throughout life we encounter painful experiences that can be difficult to understand or comprehend.  Life is full of good things which can be easy to embrace and unpleasantness that can be painful or unsettling.  Sometimes I can only think of one thing to say when someone is struggling, “time is a great healer”. It carries much truth in my opinion.  Though I take no credit for this idiom, I know there have been situations for which time has been the healing factor to help me.  It is with time that we begin to settle in and understand the things that might be hard to process in a specific moment or given period of time.  I know I have heard, “give it a little time, you will begin to feel better.”  Time has some sort of medicinal quality whatever the hurt, upset, pain or maladie, whether physically and emotionally.  There are times when some things seem irreparable, however, given time, a person can learn to heal or forgive and move on from something that may have been quite powerful in a specific moment.  I do realize in some cases healing and forgiveness are easier than in others so I appreciate every situation is unique.  

Time is also a bit of a magician by way of  providing clarity, insight and perhaps perspective as the hours and days carry us away from a situation. I  have a friend who always says. “In time, the answers will eventually surface” or something along those lines.  I do believe this is true.  Have you ever been in a situation and the information at hand seems disjointed or unclear?   Yet whether it is days, weeks, months later, you receive the clarity or answers you wanted at an earlier time? If you let it do its thing, time will help reveal or unravel or shake out the information and results that may have been previously elusive  or hazy.   When the time is right, what we need to move forward, gain insight, start again or find closure will surface.  All in a matter of time.

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