September 12, 2013

Do It Your Way On This Day

Remember what is important and remember how good you have it.  How many times do we all forget to relish the times of simplicity in our lives?

Today is a day that reminds me where I was and what I was doing and how I first found out a plane hit the World Trade Center.  I can remember how I reacted, my surroundings and all the things I did that day.  The media coverage was overwhelming at the time.  Since 2001, I have always avoided TV and any kind of news outlets when the calendar switches to the 11th of September.  Like a cattle brand, my memories are burned into my brain (like anyone else) and I need no further reminder. I can remember the phone call from Jersey City informing me of something I actually thought was a mistake at first.   I can envision what I saw from Newark airport a few days following.  I can envision all the missing persons flyers I saw in Penn Station and posted around the city for a time following that day.  I can remember the memorials at the local train stations for the people who never returned home.  People say never forget.  My response is I can never forgot, nor would I forget.  Some times I wonder if it is disrespectful to avoid media coverage of the memorial events each year.  However, I really feel the news media can give anyone information indigestion.  I feel each person should observe this day however they wish, in whatever way is most comfortable. Though I am hardly religious, I woke up this morning and prayed for peace and protection for all the people who lost someone or more, all the people who were lost, all the people who are saddened or sick as a result of events on that day.   “Anyone who needs it on this day, please bring peace and protect the people who have passed and the people who survived or were left behind and every person touched by the events 12 years ago.”  Then I started my day.  I decided to respect those impacted by remembering I am fortunate to drive to work and sit at my desk.  With my usual grace, I spilled coffee on my dress and was grateful that was the worst thing I had to deal with today. I was reminded my “issues” are trivial and for those of us not living through something, whatever that something may be, the rest of us can extend empathy, compassion, kindness and support to those who need it. I found this quote last night and it is a good reminder:  Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.  Be kind.  Always.

Appreciate when you have periods of time in life when things are uncomplicated.  Appreciate when you are the observer instead of one of the affected and help when you can.  Do small things to show kindness because even the little things go a long way.  What goes around comes around. When you need kindness, it will come back to you in ways that likely would surprise you.

I do appreciate the light installation in lower Manhattan.  I saw many pictures on Instagram tonight.  It is quite peaceful and serene.

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July 8, 2013

Find The Common Thread

What do you have in common with the person sitting next to you?  I had an interesting conversation with two friends last night.  One was describing a situation she is dealing with at this time and my other friend and I were totally empathetic as we know exactly what she is going through.  We probably could have told her how her situation would play out before she shared most of the details.  The story will continue to play out and I came up with three possible endings, like a Choose Your Own Adventure story.  I would bet money on one of three possible scenarios as the final result, whenever it unfolds.

It struck me ironic that I was sitting at a table with two of my friends and ultimately we have or will have the same life experiences.  Now not all of our experiences are the same though we have known each other many years and have many things in common.  The specific topic of conversation prompted me to start thinking and writing.  It is amazing how different your life can be from someone else yet one single event involving sharing of stories can reveal commonalities, connections, and empathy.  It struck me funny that life can play out in similar ways regardless of who you are or where you are from.  It showed me how the microcosm in the restaurant last night is likely reflective of a much bigger picture related to human connection.  I suppose this revelation is hardly news to some; however, it really made me pause to think about empathy.  Empathy is necessary and vital to human connection and the evolution of human relationships.  To be able to relate to one another regardless of background, financial status, or location is extremely important.  If you can relate to someone, it means you know what it is like to walk in their shoes in your own pair of shoes.  If you are unable to relate based on specific experience, you are likely able to draw a parallel to some other experience in your life to feel empathy and compassion.  Granted there are times when it is really hard to relate to people.  If you meet someone with a sense of entitlement, it can be difficult to have empathy or compassion.  I deserve, I should have, I am in the center of the universe, how much can I get, etc types make it tough. However, in general, amongst the people around you, when you find a common thread that ties two or three or many people together, it is a revealing experience.  To be able to say, my experience was similar to yours, you are in good company and how can I help, is a really big thing.  It can lead to friendships, new perspective, new ideas or just the relief of knowing someone understands and can listen and be supportive.  I am sure we have all had an experience in life when we feel as if we are living in another dimension.  Talking to someone brings it all back around to normal and into perspective.

There are so many other things I can write about on this topic though it would lead me down too many different paths.  I will end this by saying, be aware of yourself and those around you.  Practice empathy and if you need guidance, start by typing “define empathy” in a Google search box.   It is a very important tool for all of us to use  and a skill can always be developed wherever life takes us.

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April 16, 2013

I Am Like Everyone Else

How can senseless acts happen?  It is a rhetorical question really and there are many answers.  I was in a meeting and received a text message from a friend who escaped 7 World Trade on September 11th.  She wrote, “Boston reminds me of 9/11.”  I had no idea what she was talking about and was totally confused.  I logged onto my laptop and contacted my brother who lives in the Boston area.  I asked if something happened in Boston.  He replied with, “Bombs on the finish line of the marathon.”   I really needed nothing further as I knew what it all meant.  My brother proceeded to tell me it was bad, described the scene as heartbreaking, and recommended I avoid the photos online.   I was at a loss for words as usual in illogical situations.  I never fall apart or lose my cool.  During any crisis or traumatic event, my brain begins to work, my emotions get shoved aside and I try to understand.  I often ask myself, “What can I do about this?”  When it comes to these random acts of violence, after a few moments, my brain just stops on me and emotion usually ramps up.

There are some things for which logic and rational thinking are inapplicable and today was another example.  Empathy and compassion are what come forward for me.  How must those people feel?  How will their lives change and how will they deal with sudden, tragic death of a loved one?  A sudden traumatic injury?  How will they cope with the pain?  It will be much for those impacted to process.  I even felt empathy for those who never had an opportunity to finish a race for which they worked so hard to train.  I felt a heavy weight on my chest imagining what all of these runners, fans, families, friends, bystanders, first responders must be feeling in the continuum of pain and loss.

Truthfully, I was never one to pray and more often, I find myself saying a little prayer as I believe words and thoughts are energy.  Today I prayed to the Archangel Michael to protect the city of Boston and all of the people impacted from further pain and suffering.  It was all I could come up with to help from where I was sitting.  Angels are messengers of God from what I have read; however, they have specific jobs; and thus I called upon the heavy hitter because that is was I felt Boston needed.  Bring protection as that is a good thing.

I try to think of something positive in spite of any tragedy.  It is way to find solace and to lift the cloud of darkness, in my opinion.  It took me several hours to find the light in the darkness as my empathic state carried on.  For all those people who suffered injuries, they are in one of the best cities in the country for medical treatment.  The teaching and medical institutions. the facilities, the brilliant practitioners, truly a blessing in light of an unheralded tragedy.  I trust the medical practitioners in Boston will serve every person hospitalized with the best treatment one can hope for in a trauma situation.  This is a blessing under the dust, pain and smoke created today.

Although it is a bittersweet positive note, it is something I think is important for anyone to understand.  We are never alone.  This world is changing rapidly and while we hope for peace, tragic events do surface.  As I sat in my desk chair, reading the news about the Boston marathon, my empathy swirled and my mind went to, ‘These people are not alone.’  I learned as a result of the death of a dear college friend and through the impact of September 11th on my community and my friends, you are never alone.  This is a blessing.  Through connection and kindness, regardless of geography, other people, groups, communities can empathize and can understand the shock and the pain of waiting and loss.   It is a comforting thing and it can be an amazing thing to see or experience.  To feel the compassion and empathy of others who take the time reach out to say, “We know how you feel and we support you and let us help” is a gift in of itself.   It is through acts of kindness, human connection and gratitude that we, as humans, find our way out of these events to establish a new sense of belonging or a new normal.  In my experience, any tragedy will change you and these connections help you see the path forward.

 

 

 

 

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