October 26, 2013

That Clock Is Chasing Me!

Do you ever find your approach to organizing your week ends up being the approach you take for your weekend?  During the week, everything I do is according to what time I have to be somewhere, what time I have a conference call or a meeting, and by what time I hope to get to bed at night.  I need less of that on the weekend and get into such a routine of living by a schedule getting away from that on the weekend can be challenging.

I had to travel to Atlanta for work this week.  As I was on my way to the airport to fly home, I was sitting in traffic on 285W thinking living on a timetable can be exhausting.  I spent my day in meetings with an invisible clock looming over my head.  90 minute meeting with one group, 30 minutes for this person, can I afford to eat lunch, 5 minutes with this person and if I leave the office later than 2:30pm I might miss my flight.  I spend a lot of time mentally calculating the minutes as I rotate through meetings and whatnot so I can fit everything in.  As I was sitting in traffic, the clock was still looming.  It kept reminding me traffic was in the way of my perfectly timed return to the airport, rental car return, and the circus that is security at the airport. I was in such a rush I bought a late lunch in the terminal and found myself eating a chicken sandwich that I would probably normally throw out ( waste not want not, what?).  In retrospect, I think cafeteria food would have been better.  I was so hungry and felt I had no time to give thought to anything except getting to the gate.  When the plane finally boarded, I just inserted myself in the boarding line.  Normally my attitude is, everyone will get on the plane so who cares when I get on the plane.  Yesterday, I wanted to sit down so badly and disconnect my brain, I was one of those people who was ready to bum rush the plane.  Living the rat race life for sure.

I woke up this morning and revolted against myself.  My whole week involved a schedule that had nothing to do with me and only what I must do to do my job.  It was wholly exhausting and time consuming.  Usually I push myself out of bed on a Saturday morning to get things done.  Today I stayed in bed till 10:00am because I decided who cares what I need to get done, bed is better.  I resolved to do nothing today requiring an agenda and decided to ignore the clock and my nagging pragmatic self.  What difference does it make if I do not get “stuff” done?  I did, however, decide to do things I have wanted to do all week versus needed to do.  A day of, “oh this is what I WANT to do right now.  Now I WANT to do this.”  Instead of “I need to get this, that, and the other thing done and how do I find the time.”  What I want to do takes very little effort; often anything I need to do is a chore so I opted for “want to do” today.  I find the days when I can ignore the clock that normally chases me to be much more relaxing and perhaps even more productive.  My brain certainly seems to be bouncing around less than it was and the numbing feeling that is created by keeping on top of everything has subsided.  (Maybe numb brain is only unique to me when the brain is on overload; however, I really feel like my brain is frozen sometimes).

I often say my brain is just going to quit on me or move out and find a new home.  I run it ragged.  I am sure many people have the same problem.  My brain must feel like it runs an ultra-marathon every day.  Recently one of my friends said she wishes her brain worked like mine because it is always “working” on something.  Funny thing is, I laughed at that statement and told her my brain is exhausting.  I am not sure if it is enviable!  I suppose it is just another reminder that I have to hit the stop button sometimes and just be less regimented. Do what I want and do what I enjoy; instead of requiring myself to meet timelines or to do things in a specific way every day of the week.  I always try to remind myself: if the words should or have to are part of my day, I am probably doing something as a result of some obligation or requirement either placed upon me by my own doing or something else’s.  I prefer ‘I want to’ because it usually proves to be energizing versus tiring.  And even when ‘I want to’ is tiring, it is usually satisfying and positive.

That said, I want to stop writing now because I want to go to the gym.  I have one place I am going later today that requires adherence to a schedule – the movies.  I can live with that!  Thank you for reading this blog!

 

Filed Under: balancing act, Life Lessons, perspective, power, practice, thepageofaquarius, time Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a Comment
August 24, 2013

Turn Your Habits Around

While trying unsuccessfully to use my brain while on vacation, I did find myself thinking about habits.  What habits do you have that really fail to serve a beneficial purpose?  At that moment, I actually had a block as relates to my bad habits and put the idea on a mental shelf.  Sometimes things fall off the mental shelf while I am commuting and that was the case while I was sitting in traffic this week.

One of my worst habits is worrying.  I worry about work matters that are outside my control and how to manage client perception. Worry really is an exercise in futility as there are just some things I can do little about except take it all in stride.  Such is life in Corporate America!  Why keep myself up at night or create unnecessary stress if situations and environmental circumstances are caused by someone or something else?  I am finding it is better to empathize with my clients or be honest with my clients when they discuss pain points.  I try to always tell the truth when something goes awry in a professional, palatable manner. Rather than subjecting myself to worry and stress, I find it easier to take off the business mask and just have a human conversation.  Mistakes happen, nothing is perfect and we do the best we can.  I have been working to shift my thoughts anytime the little worry voice in my head pops up.  Once I realize I am starting down the worry path, I do my best to stop myself and focus on something totally different and positive.  The mind is a really funny thing.

Another thing that came to mind: eating and sleeping habits.  Generally I lean towards healthy foods and I exercise regularly.  There are times when it is just easier to eat chips for dinner or a few cookies for breakfast and slack off at the gym because I am too tired to do anything.  ( I support eating dessert for breakfast because why must it only be served after dinner?)  However, I realized over the course of several months, my work related stress levels have been increasing, my sleeping patterns were inconsistent – staying up too late, getting up really early or sleeping really late. Exhaustion and stress were driving me to want more sweets while also taking energy away from my workouts.  After vacation I decided to give myself a break.  I realized I need to take a step back and be more regimented about how I eat and how I sleep as I had fallen off course sometime in the Spring.  Bed by 10:30pm is my goal so waking up is easier in the morning.  I follow a number of nutrition/healthy lifestyle blogs and found some new food and recipe ideas and noted a few key things:

  • Eat for nutrition, not for fun.  Cookies or breakfast are tasty! I feel much more energetic after a plate of protein pancakes or a bowl of oatmeal or Greek yogurt with fruit and granola.  I knew this and had forgotten somehow?

  • Drink more water.  It is my go to beverage but I have been so busy and preoccupied I really had only been drinking water at the gym. Dehydration = tired.  And hardly economical admittedly – I have been buying 50 oz bottles of water to drink over the course of a day.  I will buy a water bottle to take with me, bottled water has been a stop gap.

  • Figure out what works for you with different resources.  When I cook something, I read many recipes to find the combination of ingredients I want to use to create my own recipe.  I did the same this week.  I read different blogs and found the things that work for me to get back on track.  I was reminded of some things, learned new things about different and new foods  and learned new things about nutrition.   I always find new and different perspective when I read what regular people are doing.  Some of the blogs I read and follow on Twitter/Instagram are:

There are other habits I gave thought to, however, I decided to address those that impact my quality of life first.  I did have a big fat pork chop for dinner last night and shared strawberry shortcake for dessert, so by no means have I given up eating for enjoyment!  However, I went to bed at a reasonable time, woke up at 7:30am and ate a healthy breakfast (plain Chobani with nectarines, strawberries and granola), hit the gym for over an hour, and made a healthy lunch.   Moderation as they always say and avoid deprivation!

I suppose habits that lack benefit to life style, quality of life, health, etc only steer us away from what serves us well.   It happens and when you realize it, it takes little effort to shift things around and get back on the better path.

 

Filed Under: balancing act, clarity, consciously aware, direction, experience, Inspiration, Purpose Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a Comment
June 14, 2013

Batteries Not Included

Since the middle of March I have been tearing around like the Tasmanian Devil trying to keep up with everything I need to do in my personal life and in my day job. I do have the aptitude to take on ridiculous amounts of work and stress which is to my benefit and my detriment. I am finding I am starting to fall behind on some things and generally feel I have run an ultra-marathon by the end of the week.  I feel like one of those plate spinners – spinning many plates on sticks trying to prevent any from falling to the ground. (Just go to Google Images and type in plate spinners and you will see what I mean).  A cloning machine would be quite useful as two more of me is exactly what I need at this juncture.  The perfectionist side of me used to try to stay on top of everything and now I am letting things slide. I usually test my limits to see how far I can push myself and am now learning I have to respect my limits.

I suppose I have been learning about my limits quite a bit over the last year or so.  Realizing how much I can tolerate and often find myself asking, “Why do I put up with this?”  This has been happening across the board in my personal life, with my interpersonal relationship and with my job.   There have been times when I have been forced to face that fact that I am taking on too much – as demonstrated recently when I fell asleep behind the wheel of my car driving home from work.  I woke up after having rear ended a tractor trailer.  The truck was fine, my car not so much.  An alarm clock may have been better been a better wake up call.  My Mother told me I am not getting any younger and keeping up my pace and not taking care of myself is my issue.  One of my clients accused me of being overworked (ok maybe it is true) and ordered me to keep lollipops and chewing gum in the car if case I feel drowsy. She also advised me to stop working during my personal time and to start traveling on company time.  My brother mandated I go back to drinking coffee.  My Dad told me only old people fall asleep behind wheel and numerous other people have said I may want to take better care of myself.  

It takes much effort to do the things I enjoy when I feel like I am running ragged.  Need to go to this meeting, have to catch a flight, need to catch up on 8 hours of email in 2 hours. I find myself figuring out my day based on the number of hours I have available. How much can I cram in?  Over the weekend, I decided to skip running errands because it was just too much time driving given I spend so much time in the car during the week.  I also skipped a party because the thought of mingling required too much energy.  I used to think if I did things to boost my energy, I would be able to keep up my Tasmanian Devil pace.  I work out, I try to sleep more when I can, I eat healthy. I even tried yoga (which I enjoy).  An attempt to drink one of those green energy juice drinks (made with kale, celery, apples, lemon, and I forget what else) was a major fail because liquid green grass flavored drinks are hardly appetizing.  I am likely doing myself a disservice trying to boost my energy when I feel my internal battery is already on low.  Either I need new batteries or I will have to shift things around and change my ways or some dynamic in my life.  Less pressure, less travel time and more peace and quiet are probably good places to start.

 

Filed Under: Life Lessons, Listening Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a Comment
April 26, 2013

Put Your Feet Up

Have you ever tried to make things happen and feel you are repeatedly stymied?  Sometimes I wonder if what stymies me is amount of thinking I do.  Is this right?  What am I missing? Maybe Tuesday would be a better day?  Sometimes I wonder if the Universe puts the skids on things.  What do I mean by the Univese? I mean the unseen force that makes things happen for a reason and force me to follow specific steps versus taking my own rogue approach.  I have found trying to force something to happen is an exercise in futility.  If things do not happen as planned, redirect your energy towards something else.

I went to a psychic about 5 years ago.  Mrs G was a tough a nails, kind soul with a gift that some would describe as malarkey; however those that knew her will say there was no one like her.  One thing Mrs G. said that stands out in my mind is, ‘Oh honey, you’re just going to have to sit back and let the Universe do its thing.   You have no control over some things in your life so just sit back’  Sit back and what?  It sounded crazy to me at the time.   I rarely sit back and do nothing as I control my destiny…don’t I?  I dug my heels in after I left Mrs G’s house and was insistent on being at the helm of what happens in my life.   I was unfamiliar with the concept of running into road blocks and being diverted off my course.  I am always on the go and always see things through to completion

Fast forward 5 years and I have to say, I have changed my point of view over the years.  I do not live by what Mrs G. says, however, I believe there was a in lesson for me in her words.  There are times when free will, other people, health,life (whatever the variable) throw you off course.   The unexpected happens, timing can be off, or plans change and thus it becomes necessary to zig and zag and redirect focus, path, or energy in  a new way.

Though this may be trivial, I had a goal at the beginning of 2013 to be able to do unassisted pull ups in my crossfit sessions.  I was well on my way to building the strength and endurance till 2 weeks into January when I came down with the flu.  Derailed. Shortly after shaking the flu, a stomach virus put me to bed for several days. Derailed again. I recuperated and returned to the gym ready to conquer the pull up bar…till another stomach virus took me out.  By the time this round of illness struck, it seemed laughable to me.

I did not let the 2013 Germ Party keep me down.  I returned to the gym ready to go and was making good progress; till the fateful night when flipping tires was on the crossfit agenda.  I managed to throw my pelvis out of whack flipping a tire.  I went to the doctor about a week later, was diagnosed with a twisted pelvis and an inflamed sacroiliac joint (Google it) and directed to go to a physical therapist ASAP. MAN DOWN!  I was in such pain I could not lie down, sit down or put my shoes on.  Do you know how big a role your pelvis plays in your daily routine?  I was unaware, quite frankly. The physical therapist took one look at me and said, ‘I know your type. You’re going to try to go workout in this condition the minute you feel better.’  I had met my match as that is exactly what I would do and without a lot of detail, I did try to workout and it was so painful, it was unbearable.  I was forced to sit back and allow myself to heal – no crossfit, no yoga, nothing strenuous.  I was permitted to walk my dog (maybe a mile or 2, not 10 miles, I was told) and some upper body weights and that was all for about 6 weeks.  I acquiesced and went to physical therapy and followed the protocol.  I was stubbornly aware resting would get me back to the gym faster than trying to force myself to feel better.

Why did I just share my 2013 medical history?  Lessons.  I have to believe my body needed rest and I was oblivious.  I needed to sit back and just let things happen around me (like healing), instead of trying force myself back into a normal routine.   It was as if my body said, ‘Ok you won’t take a hint with a stomach virus, so you’re going to be forced to stop.’  I had to slow down considerably and start listening to my body to get back into a routine….slowly. Slowing down taught me many things.  I learned to appreciate having free time after work instead of going to the gym.  I learned to look forward to my morning and evening walks with my dog as those are quite peaceful times of day.  I took the time to cook healthier meals. I slowed down and found new appreciation for things in my life that I may have taken for granted.

I feel there are times when we all need to change the pace of our days.  Daily life can be chaotic.  I know I get wound up and stressed out without an awareness of the toll it is taking on my health and body.  Maybe it was Universe telling me to focus on myself for awhile. Maybe my immune system needed to be recharged.  Whatever it was, I still think of Mrs G. telling me to sit back as that was exactly what i did for about 4 months.  I sat back and just took it easy instead of trying to force the issue.

Filed Under: Go with the flow Tagged With: , , , , Leave a Comment
April 16, 2013

I Am Like Everyone Else

How can senseless acts happen?  It is a rhetorical question really and there are many answers.  I was in a meeting and received a text message from a friend who escaped 7 World Trade on September 11th.  She wrote, “Boston reminds me of 9/11.”  I had no idea what she was talking about and was totally confused.  I logged onto my laptop and contacted my brother who lives in the Boston area.  I asked if something happened in Boston.  He replied with, “Bombs on the finish line of the marathon.”   I really needed nothing further as I knew what it all meant.  My brother proceeded to tell me it was bad, described the scene as heartbreaking, and recommended I avoid the photos online.   I was at a loss for words as usual in illogical situations.  I never fall apart or lose my cool.  During any crisis or traumatic event, my brain begins to work, my emotions get shoved aside and I try to understand.  I often ask myself, “What can I do about this?”  When it comes to these random acts of violence, after a few moments, my brain just stops on me and emotion usually ramps up.

There are some things for which logic and rational thinking are inapplicable and today was another example.  Empathy and compassion are what come forward for me.  How must those people feel?  How will their lives change and how will they deal with sudden, tragic death of a loved one?  A sudden traumatic injury?  How will they cope with the pain?  It will be much for those impacted to process.  I even felt empathy for those who never had an opportunity to finish a race for which they worked so hard to train.  I felt a heavy weight on my chest imagining what all of these runners, fans, families, friends, bystanders, first responders must be feeling in the continuum of pain and loss.

Truthfully, I was never one to pray and more often, I find myself saying a little prayer as I believe words and thoughts are energy.  Today I prayed to the Archangel Michael to protect the city of Boston and all of the people impacted from further pain and suffering.  It was all I could come up with to help from where I was sitting.  Angels are messengers of God from what I have read; however, they have specific jobs; and thus I called upon the heavy hitter because that is was I felt Boston needed.  Bring protection as that is a good thing.

I try to think of something positive in spite of any tragedy.  It is way to find solace and to lift the cloud of darkness, in my opinion.  It took me several hours to find the light in the darkness as my empathic state carried on.  For all those people who suffered injuries, they are in one of the best cities in the country for medical treatment.  The teaching and medical institutions. the facilities, the brilliant practitioners, truly a blessing in light of an unheralded tragedy.  I trust the medical practitioners in Boston will serve every person hospitalized with the best treatment one can hope for in a trauma situation.  This is a blessing under the dust, pain and smoke created today.

Although it is a bittersweet positive note, it is something I think is important for anyone to understand.  We are never alone.  This world is changing rapidly and while we hope for peace, tragic events do surface.  As I sat in my desk chair, reading the news about the Boston marathon, my empathy swirled and my mind went to, ‘These people are not alone.’  I learned as a result of the death of a dear college friend and through the impact of September 11th on my community and my friends, you are never alone.  This is a blessing.  Through connection and kindness, regardless of geography, other people, groups, communities can empathize and can understand the shock and the pain of waiting and loss.   It is a comforting thing and it can be an amazing thing to see or experience.  To feel the compassion and empathy of others who take the time reach out to say, “We know how you feel and we support you and let us help” is a gift in of itself.   It is through acts of kindness, human connection and gratitude that we, as humans, find our way out of these events to establish a new sense of belonging or a new normal.  In my experience, any tragedy will change you and these connections help you see the path forward.

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Connection, Life Lessons Tagged With: , , , , , Leave a Comment