November 28, 2013

Gratitude Is The Best

Gratitude is the best. I have been thinking about what it is to be grateful and how it feels to be grateful and what it feels like to receive gratitude. “Gratitude is the best” is the phrase that keep popping into my head. Now Thanksgiving is tomorrow so it would seem logical that my thoughts about gratitude coincide with Turkey Day; however, timing is coincidence.  I was actually thinking about what intangible things make people happy and gratitude kept coming to mind.  Is it possible to feel anything but warm and fuzzy after saying thank you as a result a kind, polite, selfless or generous gesture? You are reminded of a kind gesture when you give thanks and the other person’s kindness is acknowledged. I have been unable to think of a situation when an expression of gratitude results is something other than a positive outcome or feeling.  Saying thank you is effortless and it shows appreciation and is easy to do.  It is rewarding, courteous, thoughtful, appreciated, welcomed, valuable and positive.  I think gratitude can be a win win for all parties involved.

When I was in my first month of college as a freshman, I received a package from my friend Darah. It was a big tin of homemade chocolate chip cookies with a colorful handwritten sign of encouragement.  Kind of like those that we used to create for each other to decorate lockers before tennis matches, basketball games and lacrosse games. I thought it odd that she forgot to sign her name and there was no return address on the package but recognized the handwriting as Darah’s, or so I thought (I did send a thank you note, since I am writing about gratitude).  Fast forward to Christmas break when I  saw my friend Jen.  I told her about the special delivery of cookies I had received from Darah a couple months back.  Jen look at me with disappointment and surprise.  She said, “Those cookies were from me!!  I thought you never received them because you never mentioned them!” Oh awkward!  I sort felt like a dolt and I am sure Darah found my thank you note perplexing since she knew nothing of cookies! My gratitude had good intention behind it but had been misplaced! Jen has likely forgotten the cookie scandal after all these years but I have to stored in my brain as it was a lesson for me.  Of the many things in life to get right, knowing where and when to show gratitude is very high on the list!  Thank you can be very meaningful to the giver or doer as these two words tend to produce positive results.   It is one of the easiest ways to put a smile on someone’s face, in my opinion.  Who does not smile when they say ‘you’re welcome’ or ‘it was my pleasure’?

My mother taught my brothers and I from a young age to write thank you notes so it is just something we all do.  It is always funny (not funny ha ha) when someone says, ‘Thank you for your note, it is so nice to receive a handwritten letter.’ In this day in age, we do some many things with technology that an email or a text message may lack the same meaning as something handwritten.  There is much to be said for taking the time to sit down with pen and paper write your thanks after someone has taken the time to do something kind, polite, selfless or generous.  On the flip side, there will be things for which we never receive thanks because they are done with good intention and the anticipation of gratitude.  I was in the mall recently and walked by the children’s wish tree.  I thoroughly enjoy helping a child see their Christmas wish come true so I selected the tag for a girl who was hoping for an Easy Bake Oven.  I always wanted one (who didn’t) and know how exciting it is to open the thing you want most on Christmas Day (excluding any live animals like puppies or ponies – not good gifts).  I will never meet this young girl and she will never know who secured that pink and purple Easy Bake Oven but it is enough for me to know it will make someone happy.  Indirect or anticipated gratitude is good enough for me.

Consider those things for which you are thankful as often as you can, not just with turkey and mashed potatoes.  Go out of your way to thank someone when thanks are appropriate – it goes a long way. Be thankful for the intangible and the tangible things, the people in your life, opportunities, your latte.  If you send someone a message right now and say, “Thank you for being my friend” – you might just make someone’s day.

Thank you for reading this blog!

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October 10, 2013

The Good Apple

One of my friends stopped by to visit after work last Friday. It was such a nice surprise I must say. It was something outside my usual Friday night routine and it was a fun distraction after a less than entertaining work week. It reminded me of a few things: 1. Remember the little things are often the best things 2. Show gratitude and appreciation for the little things delivered by someone else 3. Be grateful for the reminders we are given to appreciate the little things.

It is always nice to spend time with a friend and wonder where the time went while talking and listening. This is something I appreciate about a good conversation and find it to be a gift in of itself.  I have never been a person to have a myriad of superficial friends; rather, I have always been the type to have a group of close friends.  I remember thinking about my friendships when I was about 9 years old. Even at that age, though I was friendly with many people, I could see the difference in my friendships. There were people who more or less flitted around like butterflies and people who were like “pillars” as far as connections with friends go. Everyone needs those pillars, the people who will stand around, next you, behind you, in front of you, or pick you up when you need support. The people you can always count on, who believe in you, and will tell you the truth when you need to hear it (even if you do not want to hear it). I always value honesty as I always prefer to hear what will help me or what will give me reason to pause and think differently.  I can often tell when someone is saying what they think I want to hear and that just never works for me.  The quality and type of people in your life can be really important. Who you choose to have around you can be very telling and can help you or hurt you or teach you.

(No one is perfect.  Perfect is like beauty – in the eye of the beholder.  Just needed a little disclaimer before continuing on)

I was recently discussing some perplexing behavior demonstrated by someone I know with a friend of mine. She is often my voice of reason when I am confused or need clarity about something.  After explaining a few things, she said, “Sometimes you just pick the wrong friends.” I actually laughed out loud because she is probably right.  I tend to overlook other people’s agenda when I see good qualities in a person. I am learning sometimes a good apple can have some bruised, mushy parts under the skin and sometimes, that apple needs to go back in the pile.

When push comes to shove, you (should) know who your friends are when a need truly arises. The same friend (mentioned a few sentences ago) always says I contact her when she needs to hear from me. I can only say on those occasions, I have found myself thinking I should contact her and did so because I tend to think when someone pops to mind, there is a reason. Have you ever been thinking about someone, reached out to them and received the a reply like, “I am so happy to hear from you! I have been thinking about you all week!” Have you ever met someone and felt like you have know that person all your life?  People do share intangible connections and the people with whom you have connections always rise to the surface or show up when you need them most.

 

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September 4, 2013

Gratitude Is Easy

Back to work.  The day after Labor Day is always a bit deflating.  The end of summer is near which means bulky coats, boots and dark mornings and evenings are looming.  The end of last week also involved a rather unpleasant client meeting.  Unpleasant as in awkward silences and uncomfortable explanations about a deliverable.  As I started my drive to the same client location this morning, I was cringing a bit.  I am the face to the client so they look to me for answers and explanations and to listen to their pain points. When I am on the spot, honesty is my only route.  I learned early in my years in Corporate America to avoid taking things personally and to be composed no matter how the client is addressing me.  After an unpleasant meeting I always feel weird going back to the client.

As I was waiting in the lobby I was checking Instagram and Twitter, as I always do when I am just waiting.  It is always interesting to see what words of wisdom others are posting.  One person posted a picture of her journal and indicated she writes the things for which she is grateful as a daily practice.  Another posted that she makes note of the good things that happen to her each day before she goes to bed. And another posted her advice to thank yourself when something goes well. After last week, I decided to try to remember the good things at the conclusion of my all day client visit.

Fast forward to 11am when I sat down with one my key client contacts.  She has a daughter my age so it is hard to get anything past her.  She uses mother’s intuition with me so it is futile to think anything will go unnoticed. She started by saying, “I wanted to talk to you about last week’s meeting and how you conducted yourself.”  I cringed in my chair as I waited to hear what was next as I really had no idea how I was perceived by the client after a rigmarole of a conference call.  She said, “Some of the people on the phone were being unreasonable.  You were poised and you listened and your responses were very thoughtful and reflective of the fact that you were listening to what was said.  We appreciated that you were willing volunteered to go to the executive meeting to explain the circumstances.  You did an excellent job given the awkward circumstances and awkward silences.”  WHEW!  I was so relieved and so grateful to receive a compliment from a customer.  I pride myself in advocating for my clients and giving them honest answers and understanding in my interactions.  Most often, when working as a service provider, compliments are few and far between as clients often speak up when displeased.  My client also said, “You either enjoy the abuse (jokingly) or you have learned to take nothing personally.”  To which I replied (in short), “It is business, nothing is personal here and I learned that a lesson many years ago.”  WHEW!  It turned my day around to hear my client validate that I did the right thing and approached business concerns in the right way.  I am fairly confident in my ability, however, hearing how someone perceives me is helpful and enlightening.  I decided to chalk that up to a good thing that happened to me today.

My takeaway is to show gratitude.  It is easy and often effortless.  Always thank the people who do good work.  I tend to thank people in any service capacity because I have had several different jobs in my life.  It is very easy to show gratitude and appreciation when someone works behind a counter or over the telephone.  I find many people forget to do this .  I send notes to senior management when some goes above and beyond.  I have been known to pull over on the side of the road to thank utility workers.  Every day for the last 4 the staff at Starbucks has gotten my drink wrong.  I suspect a lot of people would get annoyed,  however, I just asked them to correct it and thanked the barista for doing so.  I see how hard the baristas work during a rush and no one is intentionally giving me the wrong coffee concoction.  Say thank you to the people who provide service as they deserve to be acknowledged and they deserve to know their work is appreciated.  If you are a regular, introduce yourself and learn the names of the people who prepare your coffee or wait on your table or do your pedicure.  I find it it usually leads to better service and a more positive experience for all parties involved.

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September 1, 2013

Thank You. Merci. Gracias. You Get It.

Just say thank you. Two words when used together are often very powerful.  These are the only two words you need to use sometimes. When someone does something nice for you say thank you, rather than objecting.  I was with two friends this weekend and one is in a financial situation that makes me appreciate my steady job and uncomplicated life.  Right or wrong, because I have an income and she is unemployed and supporting her family as best she can, I refuse any gestures involving money out of her pocket. It bothers her that I do this and she snuck in and paid for my smoothie at a take out place on Saturday afternoon.  I thanked her for her kindness and generosity; however, in my mind I wished she had saved the $5 to do something for herself.

I have rules with my friends. In spite of good intention, I try to avoid allowing my friends with financial constraints from spending money on me, even a cup of coffee.  I have the flexibility of spending money in my day to day life and always prefer a person save their dollars until easier days come around or apply elsewhere i.e. groceries or other needs.  Another friend of mine was unemployed a few years ago and working hard to find a new job.  During this time, she was dining home and was feeling bummed out because she needed to restrict her spending.  I insisted on buying her sushi one night to get her out of the house; plus I wanted company for dinner as sushi is always better at the restaurant! She was uncomfortable with this because she is an independent woman and likes to pay her own way; however, she relented because I negotiated with her.  I made a deal.  I offered to let her pay for dinner once she had income feeding her bank account if she would let me make dinner my treat.  I held up my end of the bargain, about a year later, when she was finally employed again.  We met for dinner and she reminded me of the deal we made when the check came.  It made her happy to treat me to dinner after all that time and I thanked her.

I often think about acts of kindness and what we can do for other people.  Sometimes acts of kindness are well served when they help strangers.  Sometimes acts of kindness are well served when friends are in need.  When an opportunity to help someone presents itself, it is hard for me to say no.  To clarify, I am hardly a bleeding heart and truthfully am not the person who gives money to homeless people sitting on the street.  I will, however, donate food to a food pantry or clothes to charity, for example, to ensure my contribution is put to good use.  When I have an opportunity to help, it tugs on me unless I take action.  It may be odd but true.  It takes so little effort to do something for someone else and if the response is ‘oh that is too much’ or something along those lines, I usually say, “just say thank you and do something for someone else when you can.”   Acts of kindness can be money free as well.  A neighbor was recently talking about a business idea he has been considering.  I told him I had been reading on the very topic he was interested in and shared blogs and articles I  had read to provide him with additional resources and possible leads.   Little or big, time consuming or easy to do, identifying an opportunity to help is rewarding and an opportunity to help can inspire the recipient or another person to pay it forward.   It goes along with the what goes around, comes around idea as well. Give kindness and you will probably see welcome and/or unexpected kindness in return. Help and when you need help, it will be returned.  Obvious statements I suppose yet on my mind for the last few days.  Thank you for reading this blog.

 

 

 

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April 16, 2013

I Am Like Everyone Else

How can senseless acts happen?  It is a rhetorical question really and there are many answers.  I was in a meeting and received a text message from a friend who escaped 7 World Trade on September 11th.  She wrote, “Boston reminds me of 9/11.”  I had no idea what she was talking about and was totally confused.  I logged onto my laptop and contacted my brother who lives in the Boston area.  I asked if something happened in Boston.  He replied with, “Bombs on the finish line of the marathon.”   I really needed nothing further as I knew what it all meant.  My brother proceeded to tell me it was bad, described the scene as heartbreaking, and recommended I avoid the photos online.   I was at a loss for words as usual in illogical situations.  I never fall apart or lose my cool.  During any crisis or traumatic event, my brain begins to work, my emotions get shoved aside and I try to understand.  I often ask myself, “What can I do about this?”  When it comes to these random acts of violence, after a few moments, my brain just stops on me and emotion usually ramps up.

There are some things for which logic and rational thinking are inapplicable and today was another example.  Empathy and compassion are what come forward for me.  How must those people feel?  How will their lives change and how will they deal with sudden, tragic death of a loved one?  A sudden traumatic injury?  How will they cope with the pain?  It will be much for those impacted to process.  I even felt empathy for those who never had an opportunity to finish a race for which they worked so hard to train.  I felt a heavy weight on my chest imagining what all of these runners, fans, families, friends, bystanders, first responders must be feeling in the continuum of pain and loss.

Truthfully, I was never one to pray and more often, I find myself saying a little prayer as I believe words and thoughts are energy.  Today I prayed to the Archangel Michael to protect the city of Boston and all of the people impacted from further pain and suffering.  It was all I could come up with to help from where I was sitting.  Angels are messengers of God from what I have read; however, they have specific jobs; and thus I called upon the heavy hitter because that is was I felt Boston needed.  Bring protection as that is a good thing.

I try to think of something positive in spite of any tragedy.  It is way to find solace and to lift the cloud of darkness, in my opinion.  It took me several hours to find the light in the darkness as my empathic state carried on.  For all those people who suffered injuries, they are in one of the best cities in the country for medical treatment.  The teaching and medical institutions. the facilities, the brilliant practitioners, truly a blessing in light of an unheralded tragedy.  I trust the medical practitioners in Boston will serve every person hospitalized with the best treatment one can hope for in a trauma situation.  This is a blessing under the dust, pain and smoke created today.

Although it is a bittersweet positive note, it is something I think is important for anyone to understand.  We are never alone.  This world is changing rapidly and while we hope for peace, tragic events do surface.  As I sat in my desk chair, reading the news about the Boston marathon, my empathy swirled and my mind went to, ‘These people are not alone.’  I learned as a result of the death of a dear college friend and through the impact of September 11th on my community and my friends, you are never alone.  This is a blessing.  Through connection and kindness, regardless of geography, other people, groups, communities can empathize and can understand the shock and the pain of waiting and loss.   It is a comforting thing and it can be an amazing thing to see or experience.  To feel the compassion and empathy of others who take the time reach out to say, “We know how you feel and we support you and let us help” is a gift in of itself.   It is through acts of kindness, human connection and gratitude that we, as humans, find our way out of these events to establish a new sense of belonging or a new normal.  In my experience, any tragedy will change you and these connections help you see the path forward.

 

 

 

 

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