November 28, 2013

Gratitude Is The Best

Gratitude is the best. I have been thinking about what it is to be grateful and how it feels to be grateful and what it feels like to receive gratitude. “Gratitude is the best” is the phrase that keep popping into my head. Now Thanksgiving is tomorrow so it would seem logical that my thoughts about gratitude coincide with Turkey Day; however, timing is coincidence.  I was actually thinking about what intangible things make people happy and gratitude kept coming to mind.  Is it possible to feel anything but warm and fuzzy after saying thank you as a result a kind, polite, selfless or generous gesture? You are reminded of a kind gesture when you give thanks and the other person’s kindness is acknowledged. I have been unable to think of a situation when an expression of gratitude results is something other than a positive outcome or feeling.  Saying thank you is effortless and it shows appreciation and is easy to do.  It is rewarding, courteous, thoughtful, appreciated, welcomed, valuable and positive.  I think gratitude can be a win win for all parties involved.

When I was in my first month of college as a freshman, I received a package from my friend Darah. It was a big tin of homemade chocolate chip cookies with a colorful handwritten sign of encouragement.  Kind of like those that we used to create for each other to decorate lockers before tennis matches, basketball games and lacrosse games. I thought it odd that she forgot to sign her name and there was no return address on the package but recognized the handwriting as Darah’s, or so I thought (I did send a thank you note, since I am writing about gratitude).  Fast forward to Christmas break when I  saw my friend Jen.  I told her about the special delivery of cookies I had received from Darah a couple months back.  Jen look at me with disappointment and surprise.  She said, “Those cookies were from me!!  I thought you never received them because you never mentioned them!” Oh awkward!  I sort felt like a dolt and I am sure Darah found my thank you note perplexing since she knew nothing of cookies! My gratitude had good intention behind it but had been misplaced! Jen has likely forgotten the cookie scandal after all these years but I have to stored in my brain as it was a lesson for me.  Of the many things in life to get right, knowing where and when to show gratitude is very high on the list!  Thank you can be very meaningful to the giver or doer as these two words tend to produce positive results.   It is one of the easiest ways to put a smile on someone’s face, in my opinion.  Who does not smile when they say ‘you’re welcome’ or ‘it was my pleasure’?

My mother taught my brothers and I from a young age to write thank you notes so it is just something we all do.  It is always funny (not funny ha ha) when someone says, ‘Thank you for your note, it is so nice to receive a handwritten letter.’ In this day in age, we do some many things with technology that an email or a text message may lack the same meaning as something handwritten.  There is much to be said for taking the time to sit down with pen and paper write your thanks after someone has taken the time to do something kind, polite, selfless or generous.  On the flip side, there will be things for which we never receive thanks because they are done with good intention and the anticipation of gratitude.  I was in the mall recently and walked by the children’s wish tree.  I thoroughly enjoy helping a child see their Christmas wish come true so I selected the tag for a girl who was hoping for an Easy Bake Oven.  I always wanted one (who didn’t) and know how exciting it is to open the thing you want most on Christmas Day (excluding any live animals like puppies or ponies – not good gifts).  I will never meet this young girl and she will never know who secured that pink and purple Easy Bake Oven but it is enough for me to know it will make someone happy.  Indirect or anticipated gratitude is good enough for me.

Consider those things for which you are thankful as often as you can, not just with turkey and mashed potatoes.  Go out of your way to thank someone when thanks are appropriate – it goes a long way. Be thankful for the intangible and the tangible things, the people in your life, opportunities, your latte.  If you send someone a message right now and say, “Thank you for being my friend” – you might just make someone’s day.

Thank you for reading this blog!

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October 26, 2013

That Clock Is Chasing Me!

Do you ever find your approach to organizing your week ends up being the approach you take for your weekend?  During the week, everything I do is according to what time I have to be somewhere, what time I have a conference call or a meeting, and by what time I hope to get to bed at night.  I need less of that on the weekend and get into such a routine of living by a schedule getting away from that on the weekend can be challenging.

I had to travel to Atlanta for work this week.  As I was on my way to the airport to fly home, I was sitting in traffic on 285W thinking living on a timetable can be exhausting.  I spent my day in meetings with an invisible clock looming over my head.  90 minute meeting with one group, 30 minutes for this person, can I afford to eat lunch, 5 minutes with this person and if I leave the office later than 2:30pm I might miss my flight.  I spend a lot of time mentally calculating the minutes as I rotate through meetings and whatnot so I can fit everything in.  As I was sitting in traffic, the clock was still looming.  It kept reminding me traffic was in the way of my perfectly timed return to the airport, rental car return, and the circus that is security at the airport. I was in such a rush I bought a late lunch in the terminal and found myself eating a chicken sandwich that I would probably normally throw out ( waste not want not, what?).  In retrospect, I think cafeteria food would have been better.  I was so hungry and felt I had no time to give thought to anything except getting to the gate.  When the plane finally boarded, I just inserted myself in the boarding line.  Normally my attitude is, everyone will get on the plane so who cares when I get on the plane.  Yesterday, I wanted to sit down so badly and disconnect my brain, I was one of those people who was ready to bum rush the plane.  Living the rat race life for sure.

I woke up this morning and revolted against myself.  My whole week involved a schedule that had nothing to do with me and only what I must do to do my job.  It was wholly exhausting and time consuming.  Usually I push myself out of bed on a Saturday morning to get things done.  Today I stayed in bed till 10:00am because I decided who cares what I need to get done, bed is better.  I resolved to do nothing today requiring an agenda and decided to ignore the clock and my nagging pragmatic self.  What difference does it make if I do not get “stuff” done?  I did, however, decide to do things I have wanted to do all week versus needed to do.  A day of, “oh this is what I WANT to do right now.  Now I WANT to do this.”  Instead of “I need to get this, that, and the other thing done and how do I find the time.”  What I want to do takes very little effort; often anything I need to do is a chore so I opted for “want to do” today.  I find the days when I can ignore the clock that normally chases me to be much more relaxing and perhaps even more productive.  My brain certainly seems to be bouncing around less than it was and the numbing feeling that is created by keeping on top of everything has subsided.  (Maybe numb brain is only unique to me when the brain is on overload; however, I really feel like my brain is frozen sometimes).

I often say my brain is just going to quit on me or move out and find a new home.  I run it ragged.  I am sure many people have the same problem.  My brain must feel like it runs an ultra-marathon every day.  Recently one of my friends said she wishes her brain worked like mine because it is always “working” on something.  Funny thing is, I laughed at that statement and told her my brain is exhausting.  I am not sure if it is enviable!  I suppose it is just another reminder that I have to hit the stop button sometimes and just be less regimented. Do what I want and do what I enjoy; instead of requiring myself to meet timelines or to do things in a specific way every day of the week.  I always try to remind myself: if the words should or have to are part of my day, I am probably doing something as a result of some obligation or requirement either placed upon me by my own doing or something else’s.  I prefer ‘I want to’ because it usually proves to be energizing versus tiring.  And even when ‘I want to’ is tiring, it is usually satisfying and positive.

That said, I want to stop writing now because I want to go to the gym.  I have one place I am going later today that requires adherence to a schedule – the movies.  I can live with that!  Thank you for reading this blog!

 

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September 4, 2013

Gratitude Is Easy

Back to work.  The day after Labor Day is always a bit deflating.  The end of summer is near which means bulky coats, boots and dark mornings and evenings are looming.  The end of last week also involved a rather unpleasant client meeting.  Unpleasant as in awkward silences and uncomfortable explanations about a deliverable.  As I started my drive to the same client location this morning, I was cringing a bit.  I am the face to the client so they look to me for answers and explanations and to listen to their pain points. When I am on the spot, honesty is my only route.  I learned early in my years in Corporate America to avoid taking things personally and to be composed no matter how the client is addressing me.  After an unpleasant meeting I always feel weird going back to the client.

As I was waiting in the lobby I was checking Instagram and Twitter, as I always do when I am just waiting.  It is always interesting to see what words of wisdom others are posting.  One person posted a picture of her journal and indicated she writes the things for which she is grateful as a daily practice.  Another posted that she makes note of the good things that happen to her each day before she goes to bed. And another posted her advice to thank yourself when something goes well. After last week, I decided to try to remember the good things at the conclusion of my all day client visit.

Fast forward to 11am when I sat down with one my key client contacts.  She has a daughter my age so it is hard to get anything past her.  She uses mother’s intuition with me so it is futile to think anything will go unnoticed. She started by saying, “I wanted to talk to you about last week’s meeting and how you conducted yourself.”  I cringed in my chair as I waited to hear what was next as I really had no idea how I was perceived by the client after a rigmarole of a conference call.  She said, “Some of the people on the phone were being unreasonable.  You were poised and you listened and your responses were very thoughtful and reflective of the fact that you were listening to what was said.  We appreciated that you were willing volunteered to go to the executive meeting to explain the circumstances.  You did an excellent job given the awkward circumstances and awkward silences.”  WHEW!  I was so relieved and so grateful to receive a compliment from a customer.  I pride myself in advocating for my clients and giving them honest answers and understanding in my interactions.  Most often, when working as a service provider, compliments are few and far between as clients often speak up when displeased.  My client also said, “You either enjoy the abuse (jokingly) or you have learned to take nothing personally.”  To which I replied (in short), “It is business, nothing is personal here and I learned that a lesson many years ago.”  WHEW!  It turned my day around to hear my client validate that I did the right thing and approached business concerns in the right way.  I am fairly confident in my ability, however, hearing how someone perceives me is helpful and enlightening.  I decided to chalk that up to a good thing that happened to me today.

My takeaway is to show gratitude.  It is easy and often effortless.  Always thank the people who do good work.  I tend to thank people in any service capacity because I have had several different jobs in my life.  It is very easy to show gratitude and appreciation when someone works behind a counter or over the telephone.  I find many people forget to do this .  I send notes to senior management when some goes above and beyond.  I have been known to pull over on the side of the road to thank utility workers.  Every day for the last 4 the staff at Starbucks has gotten my drink wrong.  I suspect a lot of people would get annoyed,  however, I just asked them to correct it and thanked the barista for doing so.  I see how hard the baristas work during a rush and no one is intentionally giving me the wrong coffee concoction.  Say thank you to the people who provide service as they deserve to be acknowledged and they deserve to know their work is appreciated.  If you are a regular, introduce yourself and learn the names of the people who prepare your coffee or wait on your table or do your pedicure.  I find it it usually leads to better service and a more positive experience for all parties involved.

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September 1, 2013

Thank You. Merci. Gracias. You Get It.

Just say thank you. Two words when used together are often very powerful.  These are the only two words you need to use sometimes. When someone does something nice for you say thank you, rather than objecting.  I was with two friends this weekend and one is in a financial situation that makes me appreciate my steady job and uncomplicated life.  Right or wrong, because I have an income and she is unemployed and supporting her family as best she can, I refuse any gestures involving money out of her pocket. It bothers her that I do this and she snuck in and paid for my smoothie at a take out place on Saturday afternoon.  I thanked her for her kindness and generosity; however, in my mind I wished she had saved the $5 to do something for herself.

I have rules with my friends. In spite of good intention, I try to avoid allowing my friends with financial constraints from spending money on me, even a cup of coffee.  I have the flexibility of spending money in my day to day life and always prefer a person save their dollars until easier days come around or apply elsewhere i.e. groceries or other needs.  Another friend of mine was unemployed a few years ago and working hard to find a new job.  During this time, she was dining home and was feeling bummed out because she needed to restrict her spending.  I insisted on buying her sushi one night to get her out of the house; plus I wanted company for dinner as sushi is always better at the restaurant! She was uncomfortable with this because she is an independent woman and likes to pay her own way; however, she relented because I negotiated with her.  I made a deal.  I offered to let her pay for dinner once she had income feeding her bank account if she would let me make dinner my treat.  I held up my end of the bargain, about a year later, when she was finally employed again.  We met for dinner and she reminded me of the deal we made when the check came.  It made her happy to treat me to dinner after all that time and I thanked her.

I often think about acts of kindness and what we can do for other people.  Sometimes acts of kindness are well served when they help strangers.  Sometimes acts of kindness are well served when friends are in need.  When an opportunity to help someone presents itself, it is hard for me to say no.  To clarify, I am hardly a bleeding heart and truthfully am not the person who gives money to homeless people sitting on the street.  I will, however, donate food to a food pantry or clothes to charity, for example, to ensure my contribution is put to good use.  When I have an opportunity to help, it tugs on me unless I take action.  It may be odd but true.  It takes so little effort to do something for someone else and if the response is ‘oh that is too much’ or something along those lines, I usually say, “just say thank you and do something for someone else when you can.”   Acts of kindness can be money free as well.  A neighbor was recently talking about a business idea he has been considering.  I told him I had been reading on the very topic he was interested in and shared blogs and articles I  had read to provide him with additional resources and possible leads.   Little or big, time consuming or easy to do, identifying an opportunity to help is rewarding and an opportunity to help can inspire the recipient or another person to pay it forward.   It goes along with the what goes around, comes around idea as well. Give kindness and you will probably see welcome and/or unexpected kindness in return. Help and when you need help, it will be returned.  Obvious statements I suppose yet on my mind for the last few days.  Thank you for reading this blog.

 

 

 

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