Writer’s Block? Psshh

Writer’s Block: The condition of being unable to think of what to write or how to proceed with writing.

My blog posts have been sparse this summer and I thought it was writer’s block.  I have been thinking about my blog and have had little inspiration to write.  I suppose it could be called writer’s block or maybe writing is like the weather.  You have a string of beautiful days and then a week of rain and clouds.  Go with it when inspiration strikes and when inspiration is low, focus elsewhere.  Writer’s block seems like a lot of pressure that only creates more of block.  Why can’t I write?  What’s wrong with me?  Why can I only get one sentence down on paper?  Writer’s block seems more like a vicious cycle of overthinking – in my opinion.  I have been inspired by many things this summer – just not necessarily writing.

I tackled my fear of homemade pie crust in the form of cupcake size peach pies (did you know you can use a muffin tin to create mini pies?).  I was under the assumption making a pie crust was impossible till a family friend told me it is easy as…pie.   As it happens with the right recipe , any baker can make a homemade pie.  Souffle is my next kitchen challenge.

I painted a lot of tomatoes.  I do not even like to eat tomatoes – raw tomatoes totally gross me out.  However, I was inspired to paint cherry tomatoes in watercolor.  I find any artistic outlet to be therapeutic though I am hardly an artist. When the mood strikes me, I like to get my paints out and try my hand at something that interests me. Last summer it was palm trees or any kind of tree.  This summer I choose tomatoes for no reason I can explain.  I am now the proud owner of several sheets of watercolor tomatoes in different sizes and color variations.

I have been spending a lot of time reading about and talking about problems of the thyroid with people I know (this blog will give you information about thyroid issues).  A very important friend of mine has a giant thyroid.  After tests and biopsies and various scans, it is more or less confirmed she is not gravely ill.  Though she needs a thyroidectomy, all signs point to full recovery.  I learned when a person receives a diagnosis, it is an overwhelming process to navigate scheduling with doctors and surgeons, understanding a condition, treatment and all of the questions to ask.  It is a crash course in becoming a quasi medical expert and your own advocate.  I also learned when you are a patient, you need people around you who can be objective and help you see your way through to the end of the medical road.  Watching my friend and supporting my friend made me realize it is hard work to be a patient of any kind and a support system is very important medically, emotionally and for a sanity check.

Yoga happened this summer and with yoga I discovered all yoga pants are not black – sorry LuLu Lemon, we are breaking up (that is an entire blog post of its own).  There so many colorful and  interesting options in the marketplace in spite of my 20 pairs of black workout/yoga pants.  I discovered a company called Liquido Active by way of my yoga instructor.  I am a big fan and the customer service is fantastic.  I have gotten some funny looks as a result of the crazy pants I have been wearing and that works for me.

That’s all I have for now.  Thank you for reading my blog!

 

Should Have….Yoga?

Should: used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions.  I have been thinking about the obligation we place upon ourselves when we say things like “I should” versus “I want”.  I often use I should when I am resisting or avoiding something.  I should turns into I had to.  I want turns into I wanted to.  The latter sounds so much better.  Until should turns into “I want to”, it is hard to move forward willingly.

For years I have said I should start going to yoga classes.  I was reluctant to make the effort even though I knew there would be benefit.  I had a lot of excuses as to why I kept putting off the inevitable.  There have been many days following a tough workout at the gym when I have thought, “Boy I bet this would be a good day for yoga.”  When I finally got tired of persistent back problems and muscle aches and the fear of falling on my face, I took the advice of friends and my orthopedist and took the plunge. I signed up for some private yoga sessions to start off on the right foot.  The instructor I am working with owns her own studio and is incredibly knowledgeable.  She was a nurse and a gym rat and took a yoga class one day years ago.  She told me she “totally sucked at it” – and kept with it. Even the most graceful can have a rough beginning which is reassuring to know.  Yoga is a learning process.  Learning is what inspires me and changes my ‘should’ to ‘want to.’  I find working with someone who has a great knowledge of the history, the practice, and the muscle groups associated with poses means there is much to be gained from every class. Self awareness, mindfulness, strength, knowledge, courage, grace are just a handful of things.

After a recent session, I went to Starbucks and one of the Baristas asked where I had been before my latte stop.  When I shared I had come from yoga, she said, “I should do that.  I should go to yoga.”  I explained I took up classes because of annoying back problems.  She said, “That is what I need! I should really get into yoga.”  When a friend of mine recently asked, “What’s new?” I replied, “Yoga is new for me.”  He said, “I should try yoga. My Dad has been telling me I should try it for years.” It makes me wonder how many people want to try yoga and have yet to do so for no good reason?  My friends who have been too busy for yoga tell me how much they miss it.  It seems to me most people may benefit from a little yoga.  Chances are quite a few people have thought about it yet resist, do not want to or maybe feel uncomfortable or embarrassed?  I think learning to enjoy embarrassment is part of yoga. Wobbling, shaking, losing balance, sweating your brains out are all just part of the practice. I am discovering it is a learning experience each time I roll out my mat.

The interesting thing about yoga that had never really clicked for me is: you can practice anywhere, anytime! I never realized how easy it is or why it is often called a ‘personal practice’.  The mat, the studio and the instructor are nice to haves. If you are without those things – have yoga, will travel. I now add a little yoga to the end of my gym workout every time I go.  Today at the gym, I was unable to find a space for a little yoga so I left before I finished my workout. I came home and threw down on my porch.  Why not?

I tend to promote things I really enjoy or really believe in or from which I see benefit.  I am still a newbie yet have already given thought to people I know who would benefit from yoga.  There is so much to learn whether physically, mentally or spiritually.  Yoga has something for everyone regardless of age.  It can be as challenging or as relaxing as you wish.  If you want to get started, talk to someone you know who practices yoga. I feel it is worth investing in a lesson or two with a good instructor to learn technique but a class is a good start too.  There are many ways to investigate yoga including instructional videos on Youtube to see how it works.  It is worth trying without a doubt – only if you want to though!

Thank you for reading this blog!

Making Changes – Part 2

My other most recent change is adopting the practice of yoga.  For years I have been saying I will take it up.  I have been told countless times it would be a good addition to my workout routine.   I have more or less put yoga on the bottom of the pile for many reasons.  As it happens, persistent back pain, my preference for high intensity workouts, and repeat visits to my orthopedist resulted in a prescription for physical therapy short-term and yoga long-term.  I dragged my feet starting up yoga because I seem to injure myself in every new athletic activity.  Plus, I found it hard to believe anyone can walk into a yoga class and know what they are doing.  Though I resisted getting onto a yoga mat, reminders kept popping up.  Friends would ask if I had tried yoga yet.  Articles would appear in my inbox about the benefits of yoga. My Mom and a few friends started telling me how great yoga is for back problems. One friend sent me examples of poses from a yoga book her Mom recommends for back issues.  It was sort of like yoga was all over the place.  I was avoiding yoga and yoga was not avoiding me.

Yoga is not for the faint of heart.  If you are doing it right, it can be quite challenging.  I mean the fundamentals can be challenging – I am not doing anything crazy like balancing on my pinkies.  I have had moments when I have wondered if I would collapse onto the mat.  The good news is I love a challenge and I love the process of learning.  I overcame my initial injury concerns by taking one on one classes with an instructor to learn the right way versus diving in without any experience.  I am so glad took this approach because it immediately revealed how disconnected my mind and body are when I exercise.  I discovered I have been using my back muscles groups improperly (oh yes, that happens).  I became aware of sore muscles that were probably last used when I was a baby learning to roll over.  I am pretty sure my body is always running after my head.  Yoga is teaching me how to reattach my head to my body (now there is a visual) and to develop awareness of muscles, joints, limbs and use of breath.

A few yoga classes have taught me I have needed to change the way I exercise for quite some time.  Yoga  is a good balance to weights and cardio in the gym.  It is sort of a commitment to myself to strengthen what has been neglected and to gain different perspective on health and well being.  I read an article and I cannot recall when or who wrote it but this stood out to me: Lifting weights builds muscle, yoga builds strength. Strength is a loaded word really.  Yoga involves physical, mental and spiritual strength. All of those things are valuable throughout life and I am amazed how many AH HA moments I have in yoga sessions.  I have dropped down to practice downward dog during conference calls because why not? You can take yoga with you anywhere you go.

My long term goal is to keep up with the practice to ensure I am active and mobile when I am an old lady.  The thought of trying to change my ways when I have hit the years of stiff joints and decreased mobility is really unappealing.  With any luck, in the near term, back issues will be a memory.  That said, I had to step out of my comfort zone to step into a yoga studio, that is for sure.  I still feel really silly when I start a yoga session and then get over it as I progress.  I have yet to put my finger on why I feel so weird about it, however, that will come to me in time.  My awkwardness on a yoga mat is far better than the pain and discomfort I have experienced with my back over the last 20 years.   I show myself time and time again, once I make the changes I need to make, the long term benefits are always really uplifting….even if I have to be smacked in the head (or back) a few times.

Thank you for reading this blog!

Batteries Not Included

Since the middle of March I have been tearing around like the Tasmanian Devil trying to keep up with everything I need to do in my personal life and in my day job. I do have the aptitude to take on ridiculous amounts of work and stress which is to my benefit and my detriment. I am finding I am starting to fall behind on some things and generally feel I have run an ultra-marathon by the end of the week.  I feel like one of those plate spinners – spinning many plates on sticks trying to prevent any from falling to the ground. (Just go to Google Images and type in plate spinners and you will see what I mean).  A cloning machine would be quite useful as two more of me is exactly what I need at this juncture.  The perfectionist side of me used to try to stay on top of everything and now I am letting things slide. I usually test my limits to see how far I can push myself and am now learning I have to respect my limits.

I suppose I have been learning about my limits quite a bit over the last year or so.  Realizing how much I can tolerate and often find myself asking, “Why do I put up with this?”  This has been happening across the board in my personal life, with my interpersonal relationship and with my job.   There have been times when I have been forced to face that fact that I am taking on too much – as demonstrated recently when I fell asleep behind the wheel of my car driving home from work.  I woke up after having rear ended a tractor trailer.  The truck was fine, my car not so much.  An alarm clock may have been better been a better wake up call.  My Mother told me I am not getting any younger and keeping up my pace and not taking care of myself is my issue.  One of my clients accused me of being overworked (ok maybe it is true) and ordered me to keep lollipops and chewing gum in the car if case I feel drowsy. She also advised me to stop working during my personal time and to start traveling on company time.  My brother mandated I go back to drinking coffee.  My Dad told me only old people fall asleep behind wheel and numerous other people have said I may want to take better care of myself.  

It takes much effort to do the things I enjoy when I feel like I am running ragged.  Need to go to this meeting, have to catch a flight, need to catch up on 8 hours of email in 2 hours. I find myself figuring out my day based on the number of hours I have available. How much can I cram in?  Over the weekend, I decided to skip running errands because it was just too much time driving given I spend so much time in the car during the week.  I also skipped a party because the thought of mingling required too much energy.  I used to think if I did things to boost my energy, I would be able to keep up my Tasmanian Devil pace.  I work out, I try to sleep more when I can, I eat healthy. I even tried yoga (which I enjoy).  An attempt to drink one of those green energy juice drinks (made with kale, celery, apples, lemon, and I forget what else) was a major fail because liquid green grass flavored drinks are hardly appetizing.  I am likely doing myself a disservice trying to boost my energy when I feel my internal battery is already on low.  Either I need new batteries or I will have to shift things around and change my ways or some dynamic in my life.  Less pressure, less travel time and more peace and quiet are probably good places to start.